


The Quietest Evening

by MalevolentReverie



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Basically Reylo ‘Kiss The Girls’, Captivity, Dark, F/M, Kidnapping, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren is Not Nice, Louisiana, Obsession, POV First Person, POV Rey (Star Wars), Rape/Non-con Elements, Southern Rey, Thriller, Why Do I Have Non-Con In Every Story, southern kylo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-06
Updated: 2018-05-04
Packaged: 2019-04-19 08:15:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 25
Words: 41,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14233092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MalevolentReverie/pseuds/MalevolentReverie
Summary: Every so often, a girl disappears. No one knows where they go or why they’re taken, but they're never seen alive again.Rey, the police chief’s daughter, is next.This story connects to the "Something Wicked" multiverse w/Chris Reinhart & Charlotte Wilson (a.k.a. Charlie, Lola).





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Тишайший вечер](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17070053) by [Tersie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tersie/pseuds/Tersie)



> posting because everyone wants it back lmao

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [](http://tinypic.com?ref=2u41mag)
> 
> A beautiful cover by purplebouquettragedyo3o on Tumblr!

My name is echoing through the forest. He keeps screaming it over and over to scare me; to get me to slow down enough that he can catch up and bring me back Home. I'm scared shitless. Blood pounding in my ears, heart beating so hard it could burst, sweat pouring down my face. It runs along my spine down the back of my ratty t-shirt—I am all sensation. Wet, hot, terror.

“Anabel! ANABEL!”

Bare feet slap through thick, cold mud and my breath catches in my throat when I hear him invoke my full name. I glance over my shoulder, choking on my sobs, struggling to stay quiet as branches snap against my naked legs. The peek costs me as a damp twig rakes a painful cut across my cheek.

It makes me stumble over my own two feet and I tumble into the soggy earth. I don't even want to look at them. It's early February, still freezing cold but getting rainy, and I'm getting frostbite. I can't feel the bottoms of my goddamn feet. I claw at the unforgiving sod around me and scramble back on my quivering legs and the only thing keeping me going is pure adrenaline.

Pure, visceral instinct. He taught me that word, along with a couple others. As I'm being thrashed by trees and pouring sweat I wonder why I'm still so fucking cold. My chest is tightening and I know I'm almost done. I can't run anymore. I can't run anymore. I can't run anymore.

“Ana! Ana, come back!”

Black creeps in on my peripheral vision and I come to a stop before a steep embankment. I'm not thinking straight between the drugs he shoots in my veins and the sheer exhaustion from running my feeble body to the brink. There's a waterfall. Could I make it? Was it worth risking death?

My ears start ringing and I squeeze my eyes shut, clutching my head and turning, sloshing mud everywhere. His boots are crunching closer. He's running, but he's faster and not as panicked as me. He knows I'll stop eventually. He knows he'll catch me. I can already feel him handcuffing me and dragging me back kicking and screaming while the birds sing to one another overhead.

I want to be home with my mom and my little brother. I can't remember how long I've been gone but it feels like an eternity. Weeks? Months? Years?

“Anabel, princess.” I hear the cold clinking of metal. “Come here.”

The forest is turning dark and the tightness in my chest is getting worse. It radiates down my arm and I have a feeling I'm not going to make it out alive anyhow.

“Come here, Ana. You need your inhaler.”

Stiffening, rigid; my lungs aren't working. I draw a few sharp, empty breaths and stagger backwards towards the ravine with a hand over my chest. I am going to die. I will never see my family again.

He jerks forward to grab me but I summon my last ounces of strength to hurl myself from the cliff down into the rocks below, and he screams in rage, and I have one last smile before—


	2. Chapter 2

It was one of the nights dad came home late from work. That meant I wasn't going to be sleeping, but dozing off in front of the TV in the living room with my little brother passed out in my lap. The screen flickered and I struggled to stay awake, too worried to slip off into my dreams. It was a sitcom and that usually knocked me out cold in a few minutes but I couldn't—

The front door creaked open and I heard dad's heavy shoes clop into the kitchen. Elated, I threw Rian out of my lap and rushed out to greet him, exhaustion forgotten. You learned to live without sleep when your father was a sheriff. He never really got a day off.

“Daddy!” I squealed. I was eighteen, freshly graduated from high school, but he would always be my daddy.

He tossed his cap on the kitchen table and locked the door before turning to me, and I hesitated near the stove. Rian pattered up beside me, yawning and rubbing his eyes, oblivious to dad's reddened eyes and hasty wiping of his nose. He was gruff; stocky and serious and I never saw him cry. I wrung my hands and gave him space as he took off his coat and boots.

“Sorry, Rey,” he said, sounding strangely defeated. “It was a bad night.”

“Do you want something to drink? A little snack?” I popped open the fridge to rummage for leftovers. “I made a meatloaf earlier and there's plenty left.”

A chair scraped across the linoleum and he collapsed in it. My father was ashen and drained like the dead. He rested an elbow on the table and held his forehead.

“They found that girl from your school,” dad said. “Anabel Dugot.”

I paused. Anabel was one of my friends from childhood who had gone missing six months ago. It was a strange happenstance in our little town in Louisiana. But our little town was far from ordinary.

“I'm guessing she wasn't alive,” I said, shooing Rian from the room.

Dad shook his head morosely. “No, the poor thing took a tumble and... Well, the wildlife made a meal of her. The coroner can't make heads or tails of her body now.” His expression hardened. “Or he just doesn't want to. I tell you, I've been putting more and more thought into getting the hell out of here lately. These little girls are stolen and none of them give a damn.”

Esperance was a close-knit community that dad hoped would give Rian and I some stability after mom passed away. She had been from the South so we returned to her roots and I could tell dad regretted it every day. The police force was severely lacking and lazy, and every year a girl would mysteriously disappear, never to be seen again. Unless she turned up dead.

I sat down across from him and touched his arm. “They're all superstitious, dad, but I don't think they'd deliberately ignore a murder.”

“I'll figure that out soon enough. In the meantime, you stay safe, Rey. You got me?”

It seemed like a simple request and it was one I'd heard a thousand times. I told him I would like I always did and made him some tea before I went to bed. He sat on the couch to watch television, flipping through channels too fast to be actually looking.

Rian was sitting at the top of the stairs with his thumb in his mouth and his blanket clutched in his other hand. I raised an eyebrow, setting my hands on my hips.

“You're six, kiddo,” I said. “It's time to keep the thumb out of the mouth.”

He had mom's blonde hair and green eyes and the same gentle disposition. Looking at him hurt sometimes. But I scooped him off the floor and carried him down the hall to his bedroom beside dad's. He crawled into his bed and I tucked him in, giving a quick peck before I left. The light had to stay on, though. Rian was terrified of the dark.

I shuffled down to my own bedroom. It was a stark contrast to Rian’s; kind of palatial and empty. I had some books and a small TV at the foot of my bed but I wasn't a frilly person. There were no decorations; nothing to tell anyone I found any solace in my room.

It was hard for me to adjust to the move to the South. I pulled my brown hair free of its ponytail and curled beneath my covers, hesitantly reflecting on the transition. It had been about a year ago, a few months after mom's cancer finally took her from us. Rian fit in with the kids but high school was more complicated and I was alone most of the time.

But it didn't bother me much. I'd spent a lot of my life caring for my sick mother and that wasn't a popular thing for people to do when they hung out. My family had always mattered more than anyone else and that wasn't changing any time soon.


	3. Chapter 3

Quiet murmurs floated through work the next day. I stocked shelves at the only tiny grocery store in town and it gave me flexibility to work during the day while dad was at his own job. Of course, it was where a lot of the townsfolk gossiped and put out all their wild, harebrained theories on what exactly had happened to poor Anabel Dugot.

 “It was her mother,” an older woman in a fur coat whispered to her husband.

We were in the chip aisle and I was trying to look busy. I kept reorganizing the stacks while she kept going on and on and the man beside her looked increasingly bored. They were both dressed well for living in rural Louisiana. I didn't know if I'd seen them before.

She glanced about. “I heard the mother was jealous of the attention the daughter got and did her in. My friend Marcie knows the coroner, Dr. Thompson, and she said that he said the corpse was totally mauled by the coyotes. But they could tell she smashed her head open.”

Annoyed, I picked up my empty boxes and left the aisle. They all had their theories—ghosts, aliens, the government—but they were treating it like the newest blockbuster. A real girl had died violently after vanishing for half a year and no one could figure out what happened. Anabel's family wouldn't have closure until they knew who took their daughter.

A couple of my coworkers were hanging out in the stock room chatting. There were two men, James and Mike, and a girl, Heather. All three of them were five or more years older than I with a handful of kids between them. I broke down my boxes and they turned around to watch.

 “Workin' hard out there, Rey?” Mike drawled. He was tall and built with a shaved head and a seriously bad attitude.

 “Harder than you,” I muttered.

 “We were just takin' a quick break.” James was joining in, emboldened by Mike. He was lanky and tall with a huge beard and glasses. He had a predatory presence.

Heather was mousy and quiet: she never said much. She was married to a renowned alcoholic and I had my own bad feelings about that relationship. She just smiled faintly at the two men leering down an 18 year old girl and started examining her nails.

 “What d'you think happened to that girl, Rey?” James continued.

I shrugged and moved on to breaking down more boxes. “Let the police figure it out.”

 “They won't,” Mike said, “just like they haven't for any of the other girls. Elaine Pettifer disappeared the year before your daddy became the new sheriff and her body still hasn't turned up. They usually don't. Whoever does this likes to keep them for a long fuckin' time.”

My coworkers went back to their gossip and I went back to work. It was true. The kidnapper had taken ten girls over the past decade and only three, including Anabel, had turned up in some manner. The other two had been mutilated so horribly that only dental analysis could ID them. Worst of all, no physical evidence had been left behind to help find whoever it was—no hair, body fluids, or skin under the girls' fingernails. He knew how to clean up.

The shift was over before I knew it. I got my jacket and started the long walk back home, two miles through mud and thick trees. It was a peaceful trek but dad still worried someone would try to grab me in the darkest portion through some underbrush. I carried a taser to pacify him.

Squirrels watched me from afar, tails twitching, and I skirted a particularly deep puddle. I understood why dad was afraid for me; why he insisted I only work during the day and hurry home as fast as possible. All of the girls were taken at night and they all fit the same physical description. I fell into that same description. Petite, brunette, brown eyes. He wanted a specific type.

It was probably a man, anyhow. The two bodies that were found had signs of significant vaginal trauma with tons of tears and bruising.

I shuddered and folded my arms as an icy breeze swirled past. Were the other girls still alive or had he buried their bodies somewhere else? What if he ate them? They could've been sold into human trafficking, too. Would they ever be seen again?

A bird fluttered into a new branch overhead and the rustling made me jump. I hesitated in the middle of the path, suddenly very paranoid about the encroaching silence. My pulse picked up.

What if he decided he wanted the sheriff's daughter next?

Fear was a good inspiration to run most of the way home. The woods gave way to a field for the last half mile and I slowed down when I emerged from them, panting and wiping sweat from my forehead. I glanced over my shoulder at the ominous path as a murder of crows took flight from the top branches of the dead trees. I swallowed hard and focused on walking.

Our house was at the end of a short gravel road without a neighbor for about a half mile. I opened the rickety gate and headed down the path to the front door. There were voices within and I was surprised to find it unlocked. I leaned back to look at the driveway and noticed a plain silver sedan next to my father's SUV. That meant his friend Ben came over for a visit.

Rian was sitting at the table spooning heaping piles of Cheerios into his mouth. His homework was already out in front of him and I ruffled his hair after I pulled off my boots. He beamed up at me and went back to his math as I went out to the living room to see what was up.

They were sitting on the couch together watching a fishing TV show. Dad was talking animatedly and all I saw was the back of Ben's head nodding. Neither was holding a beer. Dad had given it up years ago before I was born. He told me he didn't want to miss a thing.

 “Hey, Rey!” dad said, smiling from ear to ear. “Ben got off work early and stopped by for a visit. We're gonna go out fishing tomorrow.”

My father had known Ben since childhood. They were always near each other. Ben was born in the South just like mom and all three of them had been friends when dad moved down as a toddler, even though Ben was a few years younger than both of them. He was close to dad and I only saw my father happier when he was around mom. Ben was another constant in my life, even when we had lived up North.

It had been a few months since I last saw him and I was a little apprehensive. He took a sip of his soda and rose from the couch while dad became distracted by the TV again.

Ben was tall and was almost always in some formal attire, but today he was in a sweater and jeans with his hair parted to the side. He had dark eyes and a friendly face. My heart pattered helplessly when he smiled down at me and opened his long arms.

 “It's been a while, Rey,” he said. His voice was smooth, Southern drawl, twangy and comforting.

I smiled back and slipped into his embrace. He smelled good, like pine needles and mint. He'd been a smoker and drinker like dad and helped him quit both. He was solid but soft and his arms wrapped around my waist to pull me a few inches closer. His nose was in my hair.

 “Sorry I'm sweaty,” I mumbled. “I kind of ran here.”

 “What for?”

 “Spooked by recent events, that's all.”

Ben loosened his hold to frown down at me. “That girl from your high school? You shouldn't worry much about it with your father on the case. Right, Keith?”

Dad nodded but didn't say a word.

I shrugged, contrite about my fears. “You're right. The woods make everything more foreboding.”

They went back to their TV show and I started making dinner. Rian was more than willing to help and very carefully cut carrots while I stirred the spaghetti. He was cutting them too unevenly, though, and I gently asked him to go sit in the living room with dad and Ben. I went back to doing it myself. I'd been the cook ever since the move. It made things easier for dad.

 “Need some help?”

Ben was leaning on the frame of the kitchen entryway with his hands in his pockets. He was smiling again and I instinctively smiled back but my stomach turned in a nervous way.

 “You can set the table if you want,” I said. “We're having spaghetti and meatballs with a salad. I hope that's alright.”

 “Sounds delicious.”

When the table was ready dinner was about done. I lifted a noodle to make sure it was soft enough and turned off the burner with the sauce. Ben was standing beside me cutting up some other vegetables to put in the salad but I could feel his eyes on me.

 “So, are you still the only psychiatrist in town?” I asked teasingly.

He laughed a bit. “Yes ma'am, and business is booming.” He scraped the bell peppers off the chopping board and into the lettuce. “Found any colleges you're interested in yet?”

 “I'm thinking of going up North to Vermont. It's pretty up there and it'd be nice not getting rained on every day. But I'll wait until dad's ready. Don't want to push him too much.”

 “Being away from family gets awful lonely, too.” Ben leaned on the counter to watch me draining the pasta in the colander, wiping his hands with a rag. “Louisiana's got some great state schools not far from Esperance. You'd save a bundle, if it's worth getting rained on.”

College wasn't on top of my priority list either way. Dad encouraged me to go but the thought of leaving him and Rian to fend for themselves made me more than a little uncomfortable. I pretended to take in Ben's suggestion and called the other two in for dinner.

Dad was excited about the fishing trip, of course. He detailed all the different types they'd be able to catch and I ate my spaghetti, keeping quiet about how boring ice fishing was. Rian was a hellishly messy eater and had everything splattered on himself in a few minutes. Dad was kind of a slob, too, but Ben politely cut up all of his food and listened to dad talk.

I twirled mine around my fork and furtively watched him. My father didn't talk much about Ben and he wasn't exactly an open book, anyway. He had a lot of careful, neat mannerisms. Mom told me he'd grown up in a very poor but well-meaning family. College probably changed him.

 “Don't forget to pick up your brother from school tomorrow, Rey,” dad said.

I snapped out of my reverie and rolled my eyes. “Like I'd forget. Bring home some fish.”

It was well into the night by the time Ben left. He and dad hugged, another rarity for my father, and he smiled at me again over dad's shoulder.

 “Thank you for dinner, Rey,” he said. “I'll make sure your dad brings home a couple pike.”

 “He better!” I said, beaming up at my father. “Have a nice night.”

Ben turned and vanished into the darkness of our front yard. Dad hovered for a minute to wave as the sedan drove off. He drew back into the house and turned the dead bolt with a heavy sigh.

 “Alright, time for bed, you two.”


	4. Chapter 4

The day I was kidnapped was deceptively routine.

Dad was long gone by the time I woke up to get Rian ready for school. Yawning, I trudged down the hallway like I did most mornings and gave him a few kisses on the head to make him blearily open his eyes. He brightened when I tempted him with promises of pancakes and flew out of bed to go brush his teeth. I was lucky to have such an agreeable little brother.

It didn't take me long to whip up breakfast and I set mine aside to heat up after I was dressed. Rian shoveled his in his mouth like it was about to disappear, eagerly swinging his little legs back and forth under the table. I noticed some syrup dribbling down his chin and rolled my eyes, taking an extra minute out to wipe it off with a napkin. He hardly noticed—food was king.

I put on some old clothes to wear for the walk so my work clothes wouldn't suffer the mud. My routine was pretty simple. A bit of makeup, draw my hair in a ponytail, and presto, I was ready to go. I turned a few times to check my reflection and smiled.

 “Beautiful as usual, Miss Kenobi,” I murmured.

That was one of the things mom instilled in me: to always have confidence in yourself and do your best to keep your self-esteem high. She had problems with that when the chemo started and her hair was falling out, and it helped me get over my preteen woes about my own body. Seeing her was a shock to my system as the cancer progressed and her flesh started receding.

Thinking about my mother was a bad start to the day. I spritzed on some perfume and went back downstairs to eat my own breakfast while Rian watched cartoons in the living room. The day was shaping up to be beautiful and sunny so I wouldn't have much mud to worry about.

Esperance was small but it sprawled far and wide. The schools were all linked together and were roughly a mile away from my job. It was a bit of a hike, but the exercise was always good.

Rian skipped along beside me through the woods, obediently holding my hand while I cast paranoid glances about us. Whoever was kidnapping the girls wasn't after boys, so if they decided to pounce with my younger brother around, they might... get rid of him. I tugged him closer and he protested but slowed down to walk in pace with me, drooping his head.

Sunlight dappled the path ahead and when the trees opened up I let Rian go a distance ahead of me. Dad usually drove him to school in the morning so it was a rare treat for him to walk with my through the forest. I took a calming breath and kept an eye on my energetic brother.

Nothing to worry about. The kidnapper wasn't dumb enough to take the sheriff's daughter.

We arrived at school a couple of minutes late. I explained the situation to the receptionist, Mrs. Bailey, and she was as sympathetic as I thought. She had been the receptionist there for years and always liked me. I gave Rian another peck on the cheek before she escorted him down the hallway toward the elementary section of the building.

I bought a bottle of water from the vending machine in the vacant lunch room and began the trek back towards work. It was all paved roads and houses from there on and I wasn't scared in the least. I gulped down my water and polished it off as I arrived at the grocery store.

It was dead as usual. I waved to my manager, Julie, and went to the bathroom to put on my stuff. Thankfully my coworkers were off chatting about the newest gossip so I wasn't bothered. I pushed my clothes in my tiny locker and headed out to the floor to put some food away.

The work was mind-numbing. I could see why Ben had been adamant about me finding a college. I pushed cans of soup back to make room for more and smiled at customers who passed, greeting each one with a polite 'hello'. Social work might be nice. I could read people fairly well and I liked helping them. Or maybe something with kids would be better. A teacher? A professional babysitter?

Then again, not all kids were angels like Rian. The real nightmares came tearing through the store like tornadoes sometimes, knocking all the product off the shelves and screaming bloody murder. Parents would ignore them completely or look humiliated but very few took them outside. I puckered my lips and made a face at the can of tomato soup I was holding. No, definitely no kids.

Around noontime Julie approached me in the candy aisle. She had her cell phone in her hand, which was odd, and her wrinkled face looked somber.

 “It's your dad, Rey,” she said. “He needs to speak with you.”

Everything froze in that moment. I blinked up at her like a deer in headlights, stunned. Oh no. Did something happen on the fishing trip? Was he hurt? Was Ben hurt?

I snatched the phone kind of aggressively. “Dad?! Dad, are you okay?!”

 “Calm down, honey,” he said, and I did upon hearing him sounding so relaxed. “I wanted to let you know your brother got into a fight about an hour ago and got himself banged up pretty good. The doctors think he broke his arm—”

 “Rian got in a _fight_?” I hissed. “Who the hell put their hands on him?”

 “You know how boys are.” The road was whizzing past and it was hard to hear him. “I'm going to the hospital to visit him and I might end up staying for the night. The doctors want to let him simmer down before they let him out tomorrow. Don't stay up late tonight. Everything's fine.”

I'd never been angrier in my life. I spun around on my heel to get some privacy.

 “Which one of the snot-nosed brats did it?” I seethed. “I'll show them!”

 “Rey, you need to take it down a notch,” dad said with an edge in his voice. “We'll figure it out, okay? Your brother is fine.”

I was having a hard time breathing. “You're fine with some kid snapping Rian's arm in half? You should be raising hell, dad; you're the fucking sheriff!”

 “That's enough!” he snapped. He paused then, reeling from losing his temper. “Get to bed early tonight and make sure you lock all the doors. I'll see you tomorrow morning.”

The other line clicked and I was left still raving mad. I handed Julie her phone and she offered to let me head home early, a kindness I was more than happy to accept. Locker doors slammed as I changed back into my rattier clothes and I stalked out of the grocery store without a second glance.

Dad was being completely ridiculous. It wasn't like breaking an arm was an easy thing to do—whatever kid did it was being a sadistic, psychotic... Ugh!

I stomped towards the forest with my arms folded over my chest. Rian was a sweet kid. Who could possibly want to hurt him? He got along well with all the kids in his class. Maybe they got into an argument over something trivial, like snacks or toys. My teeth ground together unconsciously. Why would a six year old break another six year old's _arm_?

The creepiness of the woods didn't bother me. I was too mad to care. Soon enough I was getting home and it was 3:30 on the dot, the time I should've been getting Rian from school. I kicked the door shut and made my fatal mistake. Rage blinded me. I didn't think about locking it.

Regardless, the fury ebbed away after an hour or two alone. No one would be home so making a full meal was pointless. I pulled out leftovers and ate in front of the TV, debating calling dad back to apologize. He was probably just as pissed off as I was and me flying off the handle made it harder for him to push down his own anger. He was a cop. He needed to keep his cool.

Sitcoms flipped across the TV as darkness descended across the yard and I gradually nodded off. No work the next day meant I could walk to the hospital to see dad and Rian. I yawned and stretched, settling into a more comfortable position on the couch. That would be nice. I'd feel better seeing him in one piece.

A sound woke me later on in the same disorienting darkness. I blinked and rubbed my eyes as I sat up and looked around the empty living room. The TV cast flickering light across the furniture and the floor that wasn't exactly good for sleeping. I staggered to my feet and hauled myself upstairs to my own bedroom, leaving the door slightly ajar behind me.

It was quiet and peaceful as I crawled beneath my sheets. They were a bit cold but that made snuggling into them that much better. I shivered and closed my eyes.

The scent of cologne wafted to my nostrils. I frowned, inhaling deeper, and cracked an eye open.

An eerie white mask was directly in my line of sight.

My eyes snapped open and a scream I hadn't even conjured up nearly ripped my voicebox in two. He was kneeling beside my bed, black gloves, black coat; all black to blend in with the night. One of his hands jerked forward to cover my mouth and I went into a frenzy trying to kick him away.

One of my frantic kicks hit him square in the chest and he stumbled back. I peeled out of bed and down the hallway as fast as I could, worried more about calling dad than escaping. The floors were slippery; I almost wiped out when I stopped at the house phone. My fingers trembled; why the hell couldn't I remember his fucking number?!

Cold, tough leather clasped over my mouth again and dragged me from the phone. Stomping on his feet didn't help. They were the same thick leather as his gloves.

He swung me around like a ragdoll to throw me down on the linoleum and I could've sworn the whole house shook. I shrieked as loud as my lungs would allow until he leveled a familiar weapon to my chest. Clammy and petrified, the tears began streaming down my cheeks.

 “What do you want from me?” I choked.

The struggle hadn't made him lose a bit of breath. I knew he was smiling.

 “Everything,” he crooned, and there was a flash of light.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in the original story he's called the 'specter' (just a name the OC charlotte creates; the other girls call him 'sade') because he never gives them a name to address him with

The reek of ozone was still strong in my nostrils when I finally came to. I'd never used the stun gun before but when dad showed me it I remembered the terrible smell that accompanied it and knew I'd never forget it. I coughed, and the motion made me pull on my wrists.

They were tied behind my head to the steel banister of a bed. Realizing I was trapped should've made me panic and start screaming but I was having a hard time keeping my eyes open. I was heavy, drowsy... It was as if I hadn't slept in days. A small groan irritated my aching throat as I struggled to open my eyes all the way. Where was I? It was dark, and kind of cold and damp.

A cave, maybe? Dad had taken me to go spelunking when I was younger and the atmosphere felt the same. I could've just been underground somewhere.

It was almost impossible to move my legs but I could feel slight pressure of a heavy blanket all the way up to my chest. I was lying in a comfortable bed, restrained but too groggy to move anyway, and the only light came from a lamp that felt miles away. I ran my tongue across my teeth to wet my cottonmouth. It wasn't only from the electric shock. I'd been drugged.

 “Good morning, sleepyhead.”

His voice was mottled by the drugs. It was deep and penetrating, nothing like the Southern accents I was getting accustomed to hearing. I turned my head a little to the left and saw him sitting beside my bed in a fold-up metal chair, leaning forward towards me with his hands clasped between his knees. He was still wearing the creepy mask and the all black outfit.

I was too weak to cry out but a few tears slithered down my cheeks. It had to be him. The one who had kidnapped and killed Anabel and countless others.

 “Oh, don't cry,” he murmured. “I won't hurt you.” He rose from the chair and I started, pulling hard on my restraints when he sat down beside my legs. “Unless you disobey me, of course.”

 “Please let me go,” I rasped. “My dad is Sheriff Kenobi, he's going to—”

 “I know who he is. But he isn't going to find you here. And that coincides with the rules I want to tell you, Reybee.” The man reached out to brush my hair away from my forehead and drew his thumb under my eye to wipe away my tears. “They're very important. But if they're broken... I'm afraid I'm going to have to kill you, and neither of us wants that.”

I stared up at him, too terrified to shrink away from his touch. His hair was hidden under a skintight cap behind the mask and I couldn't see the color of his eyes. My silence was taken as a bid to continue.

 “They're very simple rules,” he said. “Don't cry out for help. Don't try to escape. If you do either of those things, your stay will be cut very short. When you've adjusted I will free you from your restraints and you can walk around your room as you wish. I brought some things to amuse you.”

The only two things I could possibly want to do were off-limits. I nodded stiffly, resisting the urge to twist my head and clamp down on his hand.

Beside my bed there was a wooden nightstand with a lamp and some books. There were a few I owned but I noticed none of them had the same wear and tear mine did. They were new, and since he knew what I liked, he had to have been stalking me for at least a little while. I digested this creepy implication as he rose from the chair to show me my clothes folded neatly in a dressed across the small room. He'd brought almost everything I owned.

His fingers slipped into one of the drawers to take out a pair of lacy underwear I never wore. He turned them over gently, like they were fragile as glass, and returned to my side to lay them out of the nightstand. He smoothed the wrinkled edges, not looking at me.

 “You're a young woman, Reybee,” the man said. “You should wear more panties like these.”

Tortuously slow, he pulled the black gloves off his hands to reveal the skin underneath. He wasn't suntanned like a farmer or laborer but didn't have the paleness of a white-collar worker. I yanked on my restraints again when he took the edge of the blanket near my chest in the tips of his fingers.

 “What are you doing?” I asked, trying to be intimidating. “Don't touch me!”

 “Shh,” he murmured, “relax. I'm only changing you. I'm not going to hurt you. If you try to fight back you'll be attached to the bed much longer than you want.”

My legs were free and instinctively jerked back when his hot bare fingers touched them. He'd already taken off my pants while I was passed out and now his hands glided up my thighs to the hem of my underwear and stroked along the waistband in a nauseating way. I steadied my breathing and panted in fear, trembling to keep myself from kicking him in the chest. That wouldn't end well.

 “Good girl,” he said. “You know how to behave.” His fingertips hooked over them and pulled down carefully, exposing me to the chill. “The other girls could learn from you.”

I was too humiliated to ask about the other girls. He paused at my knees and I could feel his eyes examining me through the slits in the mask. The shirt just covered my belly button.

 “I'm just admiring you, princess,” he said, obviously noticing my apprehension. “Tempting as it is, I won't touch you the way I want to quite yet.” He squeezed my knee and stepped a fraction closer to brush my stomach with the very tips of all five fingers. His hand retracted like he'd been stung. “You have such beautiful skin. Tight and pale.”

It seemed too overwhelming for him. He cleared his throat and stepped back to take off my panties, and  slid the other pair on just as quickly. They were kind of twisted on the sides and he took his time readjusting them to whatever sick angle he wanted.

I squeezed my thighs together as goose bumps popped up along them. “I'm getting cold.”

 “Oh. Of course.”

The blankets returned and I was comforted being covered up again. He sat down beside my legs once more and stroked my cheek. I shifted around and swallowed hard.

 “So you're not going to kill me?” I asked.

 “No, not unless you force me to.” His hand drifted down across my neck. “Calling out for help is a particular nuisance. There's a very low chance you'd be heard by passerby but I am not one to take risks. Besides, the noise is irritating.”

 “And... And there's other girls here?”

 “Quiet, Reybee,” he said sternly. “You've asked enough questions. It's time for you to take a rest. I'll bring dinner in another hour and let you free from the bed. After you've eaten I'll bring you to the bathroom to relieve yourself and take a shower.”

I pulled hard on my wrists when he got up.

 “W-Wait!” I bleated. “Are you sure you can't let me go? Please, my dad and brother need me!”

The man, the Specter, put his gloves back on. I could tell he was smiling beneath the mask.

 “I need you more,” he said.

The frustration and fear I'd been shoving down finally broke free. He left without another word, leaving me thrashing and screaming on the bed. I guessed that didn't count as calling out for help.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> probably the smartest rey tbh

The drugs wore off after what felt like an eternity passed with me restrained to the bed. It intensified my fear even more but also gave me some time to think and turn over what I'd learned.

Dad taught me to always keep my cool in a dangerous situation. He'd dealt with criminals and the unpleasant side of society for most of his life and that ebbed over into my life. Being brave wasn't always the best option—sometimes, you had to set aside your pride and let the other person win. Fighting back had a high likelihood of getting you hurt, or even killed.

My throat was raw from screaming and I desperately needed water. I had to sit up straighter to stop the pressure on my wrists, forcing more weight on my back and neck. Trembling, I sniffled and looked around my small, dark room again. It was definitely a cave.

The man—the Specter—wore a plain white mask that covered his eye and hair color. It was probably preventative in case one of the girls escaped. He had long, clean hands, so I doubted he was a laborer of any kind. His voice was deep and penetrating. It wasn't much to go on but at least I had committed a few things to memory. That might help the police if I ever escaped.

 “You will escape,” I rasped to myself. “You will get out of here.”

Playing along would keep me from ending up like Anabel or the other girls he had killed. I would do what he wanted and eventually I would escape back home.

The viewing window on my heavy metal door slid open and I turned a little to wipe my tears off on my arms before the Specter came in. A faint smell of cheese and something else delicious wafted toward me and my mouth watered. He brought food like he promised.

He shut the door behind him and placed a plate with a grilled cheese, a small salad, a cup of fruit, and some diced ham on the nightstand. But my eyes were drawn to the glass of water he set down and I found myself unconsciously yanking on my restraints again. I steeled myself, swallowing hard and leaning back in place. Excitement had given me a small tremor.

 “Good behavior will be rewarded,” the Specter said. He took a seat in his chair. “Bad behavior will result in a punishment. Your screaming will cost you dinner tonight, but you're welcome to the water.”

My stomach knotted. No food? All I'd be able to do would be sitting around thinking about my growling belly. I twisted my wrists and eyed the tempting plate of food.

 “Is... Is that what I'll usually eat?” I asked.

 “If you're quiet and submissive like I ask, yes.” He relaxed in the chair but I could feel his hard gaze on me. “It will be much smaller and plainer if you continue to scream like a banshee. And don't think of refusing to eat. Hunger strikes won't work here. You'll have an IV and a stomach tube.”

 “...Okay. Can I have the water, please?”

The Specter laughed. “So polite; so courteous. Of course you can.”

The chair scraped closer and he leaned over me to free my wrists. I was left staring at the black turtleneck he'd worn to conceal his throat. He covered himself up a lot. More preventative measures to keep girls from ID-ing him if they escaped.

It was an enormous relief to have my hands free. The Specter leaned back to let me rub the sensation back into my wrists and I sat up with my legs folded like a pretzel. My appetite screamed for the food but I ignored it and downed the glass of water before either of us batted an eye.

 “I'll bring more,” The Specter said. “You'll need it after what I gave you.”

 “Thanks.”

 “You're quite welcome. Now, Reybee, this is a conditional arrangement. I allow all the girls their initial freedom but many of them lose it due to hysterics or silly mistakes. If you lash out or upset me, you will be permanently bound to the bed. Is that understood?”

I nodded quickly. Crystal clear. I'd been lucky today for acting out—all he did was bring a plate of food to torture my empty belly. It could've been a lot worse.

My palms were sweating as I knitted my fingers together. “Are you keeping me here forever?”

 “Maybe, maybe not.”

Hope swelled in me. If he got bored he might let me go. Behaving had to be the best way to go. Acting out would only get me killed sooner. I nodded again and dropped my gaze to my hands.

 “You only get rid of the girls who don't do what you want, right?”

 “So many questions from you,” the Specter said. “I'm a bit remiss that I didn't have to drug you like I did the others.” He shifted in his seat, steepling his gloved hands. “Yes, that's correct. I don't take any great pleasure in murder but I am fully capable of it.”

 “What happened to Anabel?” I asked tentatively.

He clicked his tongue behind the mask. “She fled. I extended my trust and she took advantage of it. One other escaped but didn't get quite as far. Anabel took a tumble.”

It was unlikely he'd go into too much detail. Again, if I managed to escape, I would be able to spout everything to the police. If I could even remember it. I examined my fingernails and tried to ignore the food sitting next to me, waiting to be eaten. At least he wasn't some kind of sadistic psychopath.

But in the back of my mind, I knew he was. It was a mask just like the white one he wore to conceal the raging violence inside. I didn't want to see him lose his temper.

 “Here.”

I glanced up to see him pushing the plate of food towards me. Confused, I frowned at the palatial mask. Was he trying to make it harder? Was that what he wanted? To torture me?

 “Your shrieking earlier was a small misstep I can ignore,” the Specter said. “If it happens again, I will give you syrup of ipecac. I'm sure you know what that does?”

Shivering hungrily, I snatched up the food without giving him a nod this time. He leaned his head on his fist and watched me gulp down all the food, hardly taking breaths between bites. It wasn't the heaping amounts I was used to but it was still fairly filling. I felt encouraged by his kindness. Maybe that was the only thing I had to do: be nice and quiet. It didn't seem hard.

When the plate was empty the Specter rose from his chair. I was licking my fingers and didn't feel the least bit ashamed. I'd never appreciated food more.

 “Come,” he said. “I'll bring you to the bathroom.”

Standing up was harder than I thought. It had been a while and the drugs were still circulating through my system. He watched me carefully press my weight on one foot. The floor was cut out of rock, too. Walking barefoot would give me some cuts. I took a deep breath and pushed myself to my feet, swaying and catching myself on the nightstand.

Metal clinked and he took a pair of handcuffs out of his pocket. I hesitated, dreading being restrained again. My wrists pulsed in pain at the thought of it.

He rattled them. “You're doing so well, Reybee. Be a good girl and clasp your hands behind your back.”

_Stay alive, Rey. Stay alive. For dad and Rian._

Shaking, I did what he told me to do. The teeth bit into one another and I winced as they tightened over the bones in my wrists uncomfortably. He stepped in front of me to tie a black blindfold over my eyes and I was rendered totally blind. One of his hands slid around my upper arm.

 “Such a good girl,” the Specter murmured.

The hallway we were in resonated and felt danker and colder than my room. He held me close so I assumed it was narrow but I couldn't make out any light. I stayed quiet and listened, trying to use my other senses to figure out where I was. The trip was too short for me to make much progress and I was brought into another room where the door shut with a loud bang.

He untied the blindfold to reveal another dark and suffocating room. It was plain—a toilet beside a small pedestal sink with a standing shower at the end of the row.

 “I'll give you some privacy,” he said. “Knock on the door when you're ready.”

 “Thank you.”

The handcuffs clicked open and he laughed again. “You're welcome.”

As promised, I was left alone. I used the toilet first before taking a lukewarm shower that left me more miserable and cold than before. But my hair and body were clean at least. I wrung out as much of the water as I could and shuffled over to the door to knock, scraping my feet across the hard floor. Not towels left me shivering in the cold.

The door opened and the Specter stepped inside to handcuff and blindfold me again. It was a short walk back to my room and when he freed me I immediately crawled into bed to warm up under the sheets. He returned the blindfold and handcuffs to his inner pockets.

 “Rest and read your books,” he said. “Tomorrow morning I will introduce you to the others.”

 “...How many are there?”

 “Three: Haley, Naomi, and Rose.” He brushed my wet hair from my forehead and picked up the empty plate and glass. “I'll bring water while you're sleeping.”

Only three others? My chest tightened. He'd taken at least ten girls not including me. Three, including Anabel, were found dead, and three were still captive. That meant he'd murdered and hidden at least four other girls whose families would never find closure.

I fingered the edge of the blanket. “Okay. Thank you.”

The Specter was at the door when I spoke and he stopped, turning slightly.

 “I have high hopes for you, my Reybee,” he said softly. “Try not to disappoint me.”

It opened with a loud screech and slammed shut. The lock snapped into place and I found myself alone in my cold bedroom again, shuddering under my scratchy sheets. No, I wasn't going to disappoint him. If I did, I would never see my family again.


	7. Chapter 7

Sleeping was far from easy. I tossed and turned for what I assumed were hours, trying to tell myself everything was going to be okay. The Specter returned with a whole pitcher of water that he left beside my bed and he touched my hair before exiting. I stared at the wall beside me and ran my thumb over my thin comforter.

He wasn't just keeping me for kicks. Soon he would attack me and I didn't know if I'd be able to keep being submissive. Fighting back would be instinct.

My fretting went on and on as I ran over a list of suspects in my head. His voice was unfamiliar but he could've been hiding his accent, or maybe brought me to a different state. I thought of my three coworkers from the grocery store and ground my teeth angrily. It had to be one or them; or maybe all of them work in conjunction. No one else in Esperance fit the bill.

But he wasn't necessarily from my town. The Specter could've easily been an outsider who prowled a small town looking for an easy catch. The police and townsfolk thought it was the way things were and weren't interested in tracking him down. They were all superstitious idiots.

He was a force of nature or an uncontrollable demon to them. They let him take his one girl a year and were happy he didn't take more than that. Maybe it was a blessing to them. Maybe they thought she was lucky to be taken by the Specter.

The tears came when I thought about dad and Rian. My father was probably beside himself and calling out all the stops to find me. They'd scour the forest and look in every nook and cranny. Dad wasn't going to let me disappear like the other girls did. I wasn't going to have my head smashed open like Anabel did. I would go home.

When my door opened I hurriedly wiped my face but was a bit too late. The Specter sat beside me in his chair and placed breakfast on my nightstand: eggs and bacon with some more fruit. He clicked his tongue like a disapproving mother hen and wiped under my eyes with his cold black gloves.

 “Don't cry, my Reybee,” he said.

I pulled away from him and couldn't stop sobbing.

 “I want my dad!” I wailed. “You don't understand—my mom died a year ago and if he can't find me he's going to be so upset! Brian needs me, too. Please let me go. I won't tell anyone!”

 “Eat your breakfast. You have to meet the other girls today.” He leaned back, indifferent to my crying, and cut up the scrambled eggs with a fork. “They're all very excited.”

  _Stay calm, stay calm—_

Another bloodcurdling scream tore out of my throat and I grabbed my hair, yanking hard to keep myself from attacking the Specter. He ignored me completely as I thrashed on the bed like a mental patient and clasped his hands to wait until I was done. I was so angry and frustrated that I couldn't think straight. I could barely remember I was hungry.

But my tantrum came to an end and I picked up the fork with a trembling hand. I put a few small bites of the eggs in my mouth and my gaze flickered to the Specter's coat. I tightened my grasp on the fork, massaging the cool steel with my fingertips thoughtfully. Could I stab him?

He tilted his head. “I know what you're thinking. You can try, but if you fail, I will use it to kill you instead.” He knitted his fingers behind his head, cool as a cucumber. “Your choice, Reybee.”

I bit my lower lip and returned to eating. I would lose that battle.

When I was done eating I had calmed down quite a bit. The Specter tugged back my blanket to see if I'd changed and rose to get me clothes from the dresser. I fidgeted. Would I be punished for screaming? I didn't want to miss out on food or showers.

 “I'm sorry,” I stammered after a beat.

He kept rummaging without saying a word. My pulse quickened.

 “I'm sorry I screamed like that,” I said. “It's... It's just really hard.”

 “Tonight will be punishment enough.”

I almost started crying again. “What do you mean?”

No response. He came back with new clothes that I didn't want to wear but I stood up and put them on anyway, reining in my tears. I had an inkling about what he was going to do.

We left my room after that with the same routine: handcuffs and a blindfold. The Specter held my arm tighter than the night before and I hung my head, already feeling defeated. The worst was yet to come. I had to look into the eyes of the other girls he'd already been traumatizing for years.

The walk was longer than the night before. My shoulders scraped hard walls more than once but my escort didn't seem to care. He kept pulling me along, almost faster than I could walk, and dim lights passed by. The halls were cramped. Drops of water dripped on my scalp a couple times. Where were there caves in Louisiana? Were there even caves in Louisiana?

Our pace stopped abruptly. The key ring clinked and I heard another heavy door opening. He slid his hand down to the small of my back and gave me a gentle push.

 “In we go,” he said. “The girls are waiting.”

I swallowed hard and took a hesitant step forward. The Specter kept pushing for a few feet then pushed down on my shoulders to make me sit on the floor. More metal clinked and I felt sudden pressure on my wrists—I was being anchored to the ground. I couldn't move an inch.

 “Welcome to the group, Reybee,” he said, and the blindfold fell away.

We were in a small semicircle with plenty of other sets of chains to hold more people down. The ceiling vaulted high and had some wooden beams running through it, so the cave wasn't entirely natural. Firelight illuminated the room along with paper lanterns running the walls. It was perfectly round with no space to hide and nothing of interest around the corners.

The girl sitting beside me had dark skin and black hair that had been cut short like a boy's. Her brown eyes were sunken and sad and she slouched over, full lips quivering and ready to sob. She wore a tattered green dress and no shoes like me.

Beside her was a girl who looked equally miserable. Her black hair was in a braid that hung over her shoulder and I quickly turned my head when I realized she was stark naked. Her eyes were dark and glassy—she looked like an empty husk. She didn't try to conceal her nudity.

The last girl was extremely pale and gaunt with fiery red hair flowing over her shoulders. Her green eyes were sharp and cautious, like a cat hunting mice. She had an indomitable scowl on her thin lips and glared past me at the Specter standing over my shoulder. She was only wearing a blue tank top and red panties but also didn't seem to care.

 “Another white girl?” the redhead sneered. “She doesn't really improve the color pallet.”

The Specter's hands settled on my shoulders and he squeezed. “Reybee, meet Naomi. She really is a sweet girl. Maybe the sweetest tasting I own.” He grabbed my chin and pushed my cheeks together. “But I'm sure you'll be a good replacement, princess.”

And to my surprise, he left without another word. The door slammed shut.

I glanced over my shoulder and looked back at the ragtag group around me. Names and ages. I needed to set the groundwork to figure more out about my new prison.

 “My name is Rey Kenobi,” I said, smiling faintly. “I'm from Esperance and I'm eighteen. What about your guys? Where are you from? How old are you?”

 “This isn't a fucking meet-and-greet,” Naomi snapped. Her voice was rough and understandably angry. “He just brought you here to get you jittery for when he fucks you later tonight.” She bared yellowing teeth at me. “You're the sacrificial lamb here.”

The girl next to me came to life, furrowing her brows at Naomi.

 “Cut it out, Naomi,” she said. Her voice cracked a bit, like she hadn't used it in a while. But she turned her head to smile at me weakly. “My name is Haley and I'm from Esperance, too. I've been here for two years, and Nasty Naomi is the veteran here with five.”

I looked toward the middle girl with the dead eyes. “What about her?”

 “Rose came here last year,” Haley said. “It was a few months before Anabel. She doesn't talk anymore.”

 “What happened to all the other girls?” I asked.

 “All dead, obviously.” Naomi looked kind of happy about that. “Three died escaping, and way more than that got killed off for other shit. Too much screaming, suicide attempts, attacking Kylo. You better hope you don't get pregnant or sick, either. He has to cull the herd to keep the rest healthy.”

My chest was so tight I couldn't breathe. It must've shown because Haley shot Naomi another dirty look and tried to sidle closer to me.

 “It's okay,” Haley said hastily. “It's going to be okay, Rey. If you do what Kylo says he won't hurt you... Much. It's hard to get used to in the beginning but it becomes routine.” She brightened but I could see the storm clouds of agony in her eyes. “He'll give you presents if you behave, you know. Extra food, longer showers, new books. And he'll be nicer when he... visits.”

Naomi was rolling her toes on the hard ground. They were torn and scarred horribly. “Yeah, 'nice.' That's rich. His version of 'nice' is stopping before you start bleeding.”

The mention roused Rose. She had a brief flicker of light in her eyes and they went darker than before. She drew her knees to her forehead and hid her face without saying anything.

Haley yanked on her restraint. “Quit being such a cunt, Naomi! That's why Anabel didn't last and ended up dead. He's bored of you and like it or not, you're getting replaced.”

 “Whatever his reason, Kylo changed the pattern,” Naomi said, leveling her piercing gaze on me. “There's something different about her. She's special to him.”

 “Special?” I echoed.

 “It was personal,” Naomi continued like she couldn't hear me. “He's meticulous and crazier than a bedbug so he doesn't make mistakes. She doesn't fit the pattern.”

No one spoke for a while. I was scared beyond comprehension and frankly, perplexed. Pattern? What pattern was she talking about?

 “I guess you're right,” Haley said out of the blue. She was wilting again, withdrawing back into herself. “And I guess we'll have to see what happens.” Her brown eyes raised to mine. “My best advice to you is to be quiet. Stay still unless he says otherwise and do not, under any circumstances, let yourself cry. We'll see you again in a few days when he's done.”

I started trembling. “Done with what?”

Haley looked away and Rose began rocking back and forth, humming to herself. My heart was hammering; palms breaking out in a sweat. I felt sick.

Naomi assumed the same position as Rose and her fierce eyes turned cloudy from a painful memory. She picked at pebbles on the ground and avoided meeting my terrified stare.

 “Breaking you in.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw for rape
> 
> jesus, like all of my stories have non-con

Kylo returned to bring me back to my room and by that point, all the other girls had lapsed into silence. Blood pounded in my ears as he led me through the narrow, dark corridors back to my cold room and sweat poured down my palms. I didn't know if I'd be able to stay quiet. The screaming seemed to come out of me reflexively.

He didn't speak. Back in my room he released me from the handcuffs only to restrain me to the bed on my back yet again with the blindfold still on. My clothes were peeled off. I yanked on the ropes around my wrists and a frightened whimper slipped from my lips. My ankles were bound to the opposite end of the bed and I couldn't move an inch.

A light flashed—he was taking pictures. They were spit out by the camera after each one and he waved them in the air. I couldn't see it, but I knew the sound. Mom had been a photographer.

 “Quiet, Reybee,” Kylo murmured. “I'm going to be gentle tonight.”

It wasn't supposed to comfort me. My insides turned and I strained my wrists and ankles, biting down on my lip until I bled to keep from screaming. He pushed a wadded bunch of fabric in my mouth and I clenched my teeth down on that instead.

I heard him taking off his own clothes and the clatter on plastic on my nightstand. He'd taken off the mask. I strained my eyes against the dark blindfold but couldn't make out a damn thing, and he was on top of me a few moments later. His hands moved over my body; dry lips touched my neck and cheeks. I was scared stiff. All my muscles locked in place.

 “See?” he said. He kissed down my breasts and I took a sharp, nervous breath. “Don’t be afraid. Relax.”

That was easier said than done. I puffed anxiously into the gag, eyes searching blindly to figure out where he would kiss next. Kylo roamed over my stomach and between my legs and I jerked on the restraints with a small whimper. No, no…

 “Shh,” he whispered. His breath was cool as he kissed there once. “This is to help you get ready, Reybee. I don’t want to hurt you.”

His tongue slipped through my folds and I clenched my hands into fists. I took fast, hysterical breaths as he roamed deeper, taking his time, groaning appreciatively. It was impossible to slip out of my body and get away. I laid there and fought back screams until he finished and crept on top of me again. There was a squishing sound and I realized what he was about to do.

He kissed my temple. “You can cry if you need to. I know the first time is hard.”

A long wail came out of me before I could stop it as Kylo slowly pushed inside. He groaned and his voice sounded different for a second, almost familiar, but I was too hysterical to care. His movements were slow and deliberate and he kissed my cheeks when I started crying. I yanked on the restraints until my ankles and wrists poured blood and he whispered in my ear and rocked deeper.

It was an eternity. He spoke but I tried not to remember what he said, clenching my hands until my nails sank through my palms and blood slithered down my wrists. The pain wasn’t acute like I thought but localized pressure and discomfort. It was a small blessing. Listening to him panting in my ear while the bed creaked in the silent room was torture enough.

I wished I could have folded in on myself; collapsed inward like a star with too much mass. I would imagine I was elsewhere but Kylo would bring me back to him with a touch or calling my name. It was utter hell. He was never going to let me leave in any capacity. If I did escape, the part of me he had taken would remain in the cold, damp dungeon, and over the years it would unravel me like a loose strand of string on the edge of a shirt.

He finally finished with a low grunt. I could feel him twitch in my body and almost burst into tears again at the thought of it. He rested his weight on me when he was through, staying inside me and brushing my skin with his fingertips. I was a stone.

  _Stay alive... Stay alive... Stay alive..._

 “You're a dream, Reybee,” Kylo sighed. He was drowsy and sweaty. “You'll be a perfect replacement for the others.” He pushed into me and I whimpered. “You're just so eager to please.”

After a while he rose and took more pictures. He dressed before taking the gag out of my mouth and untying the blindfold. A slight tremor passed through me. Could I hold my breath until I died? Could I peel my skin off and walk around as an untouched skeleton?

No, he'd sunk straight through to the fucking bone. I could feel it like bugs squirming under my flesh, burrowing as deep as they could. I stared at my body glistening with sweat and the first pangs of revulsion and fear swelled up. My body; my skin and muscle and sinew and bone, even my invisible thoughts, were not my own.

 “I'll be back in a little while,” Kylo said. He was smiling. I knew it. “I'm afraid if I release you you'll hurt yourself in my absence. Relax, Reybee.” He stroked my cheek with the back of his leather glove. “Take it all in.”

Then I was alone with my roiling thoughts.

I couldn't cry or scream. I licked my cracked lips and swallowed the lump in my throat; ignored the pounding of my heart in my ears. It all had to be pushed down. I couldn't show how much I hated him and I couldn't shriek until I lost my voice. I squeezed my eyes shut, forcing short breaths through my teeth. If I opened my mouth a scream would come out.

The other girls were quiet and obedient, save for Naomi, and she was about to be on the chopping block. But he said I was a replacement for all of them. I thought about how long they'd been trapped in the dungeon, staring at the black stone walls wondering if they would ever see the light of day again. I coughed and bile came up.

But there were things I had no control over that could get me killed, like getting pregnant or sick. The thought of it worsened my nausea and I retched but thankfully didn't vomit.

I _had to get out_. Years? I couldn't be chained to a bed for years. I couldn't live the way he demanded. When he brought in another girl who looked like me, terrified and desperate to go home, I would give her the same deadened look I got from Haley and the others.

It was a good thing I was restrained because I was half-crazed and ready to do whatever it took to escape. The lump in my chest tightened and I couldn't breathe. Trapped. I was trapped.

Dad was probably heartbroken and Rian was confused. My brother was too little to understand but dad knew what was happening to me. If I ever got out he would give me the same look he gave the other victims. The doctors would know; the whole damn town would know.

Kylo kept coming back. He'd repeat the same process each time—I counted five visits in total—and I would fight against the screams crushing me from the inside. But by the final time I was too exhausted to resist and my body trembled as he rose from the bed. Something clicked, like a pen cap.

 “Shh,” he whispered, “this is going to help you sleep, Reybee. You've had a very difficult day.” A prick on my forearm I barely noticed. “But you were such a good girl. I knew you would be.”

My stomach was empty and growled for food but I had no appetite. Whatever he gave me emptied into my veins and the last thing I remembered clearly was him freeing my ankles. I took a few staggered breaths, afraid of falling asleep, and thought he crept on top of me again.

It must've been easier to keep me in a drug-induced haze. They mercifully scrambled my thoughts and I was left with small snippets of what was happening. Kylo took me out of the room a couple of times and I visited the bathroom. He gave me water and pricked my arm each time to keep the flow constant and I was turned into a limp bag of flesh.

 “Eat, Reybee.”

Muddled, I peeled back my eyelids to see a fork hovering in front of my face. My arms were leaden at my sides and I opened my mouth, dimly recalling one of his threats if I refused to eat. It tasted like cardboard but I swallowed and kept going until he stopped.

The torture carried on for so long that it started to feel routine. I did what I was told and the small chant in the back of my head kept me from crying or screaming—Stay alive. Stay alive. Stay alive. If I couldn't do it for myself—if I ever thought I wasn't worth it anymore—I had to remember to do it for my family. My heartbreak was nothing compared to theirs.

Another prick. He was sitting behind me in bed, resting me between his legs. He'd given me a lot of the drug. I woozily lifted an arm to rub my eyes with my wrist. He was talking but I couldn't hear him and I didn't care. I wanted to fall in a hole and sleep forever. I saw a flash of his bare hand: it was pale, and soft, and… looked familiar…

 “...It's such a shame, really, that you don't find more people who appreciate Robert Frost.” Kylo laughed scornfully. His bare fingers were in my hair, playing with it. “But what else would you expect in the dredges of Louisiana? I'm sure you like him, my Reybee.”

I was slack against his chest, staring off into space, but I nodded reflexively. Who the fuck was Robert Frost? My brain knew but I couldn't draw the answer up.

He kissed the side of my head. “I've waited so long for you. It was downright agonizing but I knew the right moment would come, and now you're here and you're as perfect as I dreamed. Naomi was right—you _are_ special. You are my crowning achievement.”

 “Don't,” I rasped, a knee-jerk response.

 “Shh, there there, princess. I won't hurt you. It hurts me, too.” He drew his index finger across my lower lip. “But I have to have you.”

I was treading water trying to resist the sweet pull of unconsciousness. Kylo began humming in his deep, melodic voice as I finally drifted into dreams of being back home.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is so fricken short????? why?????
> 
> ok so i was going to edit this like eunoia but tbh i was never super attached to chris and i have nineeee open stories right now so i'm just cruising thru
> 
> deep apologies but uhhh yah

  _“Reybee. Wake up, baby.”_

_It was her perfume—I'd know it anywhere. It was the smell of her dropping me off at my aunt's to be babysat while she and dad went to her chemo appointment. It was the smell of her shirt as I nuzzled into her warm, quivering body and felt drips of water on the top of my head. It was the smell of comfort and love and it wasn't how she smelled when she finally lost her fight._

_She was the only person who called me Reybee._

 “Reybee, I brought you breakfast.”

Dull pain radiated through my whole body. It was like I'd gone hiking for a week. I opened my eyes to stare directly at the ceiling overhead, clinging to the scent of mom still hanging in my memories.

The stronger smell of food infiltrated my little moment of peace and I felt Kylo sit beside my legs on the bed. He reached toward my face and made a disapproving noise as he moved his gloved thumb under my left eye. I wasn't sure if I could get up.

 “Don't cry, princess,” he said. “It's time to eat.”

I gingerly did what I was told, relying heavily on the nightstand to get myself sitting up. It was an even bigger feast than the first: extra eggs and bacon, different kinds of fruit diced up, toast, half a grapefruit, and a heaping pile of hash browns. Emotions aside, I was starving. The sight of it all made my mouth water and I realized I was turning into nothing more than a pet dog.

 “It's all for you,” Kylo said.

I grabbed the plate and started eating as fast as I could without giving it a second thought. He rose from the bed and drifted across the room to my dresser and I watched suspiciously. Whoever the guy was, he was eerie and disturbing like a ghost—a specter. The mask certainly didn't help. Where did the name 'Kylo' come from?

My thoughts were mangled from whatever drugs he'd given me and I could hardly remember all the things he'd done. It was there, like wisps of smoke, but not tangible enough to be afraid of. I kept shoveling food in my mouth and watched Kylo idly rifling through my clothes. He was unpredictable at best. It was terrifying that he could twist my memories.

 “I'm very pleased with your behavior, Reybee,” he said. “You're... a natural.”

The rummaging continued without another word. I took a tentative bite of my eggs and my spine prickled uncomfortably. Unpredictable. It was like trying to make sense of calculus.

 “Thanks,” I ventured.

 “I trust you to some degree.” Kylo folded the clothes he'd picked out, still not even glancing over his shoulder at me. “But I suppose that isn't quite accurate. I've known you for a very long time, and I knew you would obey me. I also know you won't do anything _too_ stupid.”

As I was listening and staring at his back in shock, I could feel the loathing welling up under my skin. My appetite was gone as quickly as it had come and I almost threw the plate back on the nightstand, clutching my stomach. _Push it down, Rey. Don't remember it, don't feel it, and don't let him see you in any kind of distress._

If he was looking for an answer, I couldn't give one. If I opened my mouth I'd start screaming or puking. I winced, doubling over.

Kylo turned, clothes in hand, and tilted his head. “Feeling a bit under the weather?”

Naomi's words echoed in my head: _“You better hope you don't get pregnant or sick, either. He has to cull the herd to keep the rest healthy.”_

 “No!” I blurted. “No, I'm fine.” I wrenched my mouth into a small smile and sat up straight. “I think I ate my breakfast too fast. Thank you.”

 “Hm. If you say so, princess.”

I rose from the bed on pure willpower to get dressed when he gave me my clothes for the day. He watched intently, looking for weakness, and I realized staying alive was going to be much harder than simply obeying him. There were things I couldn't control that would get me killed.

 “How long have I been here?” I asked.

 “Don't worry yourself with that. Time will soon be inconsequential to you.”

It was disorienting not knowing the date or time, but I could assume it was morning from getting breakfast. I struggled to think back to the night Kylo spent torturing me and couldn't dredge much of it up. Either the drugs had seriously addled my head or my brain was trying to protect me from something I couldn't handle. It didn't matter. I didn't want to remember.

He was looking down at me, looming. “You are a strange woman, Reybee. Very little screaming or crying—Naomi sobbed for months when I took her.”

 “I don't need to,” I lied.

 “We all have our breaking points. I will thoroughly enjoy finding yours.”

I was sitting on the bed again and I slowly looked up at him, petrified. “You said you wouldn't hurt me if I was good.”

 “'Hurt' implies disfigurement or murder.” Kylo brushed my hair from my shoulder and slipped his hand around the back of my neck. “I am still going to crush you from the inside out.”

It was weird that I was so surprised the crazy man who had kidnapped me was also a liar. I bit my lower lip and averted my eyes back down to my lap, clenching my hands into fists. He was never going to let me go. Even if I was quiet and obedient, he would push harder and harder until I started screaming and crying like everyone else.

Because that was what he wanted, in the end. Not a toy, but a pet he could abuse that would just keep coming back in hopes of being scratched instead of kicked.

I wanted to cry, but I couldn't. It would give him total control. But if I kept holding in my emotions and shoving them down he would just get more frustrated and angry and the abuses would get worse. I couldn't stay long enough to let that happen. I needed to regroup with the other girls and figure out a plan. Each passing day brought me a step closer to getting myself killed.

My first assumption had been wrong. There was no victory with a violent psychopath, only a temporary calm in the storm. He got what he wanted either way.

Kylo took the handcuffs out of his coat pocket, jangling them tauntingly.

 “Open your mouth.”


	10. Chapter 10

Paranoia plagued me as time dragged on. It was mostly me thinking Esperance was deliberately avoiding looking for me, or that dad had decided it wasn't worth the effort. I lay in bed on my side, staring at the featureless brown wall beside me as my will to survive seeped from the cracks in my armor. They had all left me to die.

I could feel myself wasting away in spite of the generous amounts of food and drink. My skin grew paler and my muscles began to atrophy from lying in a state of disuse.

How did the other girls still know how to smile? Sometimes I turned the corners of my mouth up, trying to remember what it felt like to have genuine happiness. Haley made it look so easy. Maybe she still thought one of her family members would find her.

 “Reybee, breakfast.”

Kylo's deep, melancholic voice turned my stomach. I pulled my blanket up to my head.

 “I'm not hungry,” I croaked.

He sat down beside my legs and touched my shoulder. Every inch of me tightened in fear—his attacks were getting worse like I had predicted. Once he had strangled me until I fainted.

 “Eat,” he said softly. “You've been very good. I'll bring you to see the other girls when you're done.”

It had been a long time since I first met them. There were things we needed to talk about, like my plans for escape, and I had more questions for them. I sniffed, rubbing my wrist under my nose, and turned over to sit up and eat breakfast like I was told. He deliberately kept us apart so I needed to jump at the chance to convene with them.

After I was done I dressed and Kylo let me stop at the bathroom for a shower and to relieve myself. I could feel some cramping and realized, with plenty of dread, that my period was coming. Maybe he would avoid me during that time. The thought gave me hope.

When I was blindfolded and handcuffed walking down the hallway toward the meeting room, I decided to bring it up. It was a legitimate question.

 “I think I'm getting my period,” I said.

 “You have what you need in your nightstand.”

 “...Will you still visit?”

Hardly a beat of silence passed. “Yes.”

My heart sank a little as Kylo opened the door to the big room. That was going to be horrible. I usually curled up in a ball in bed when I had my period, but now... That wasn't an option.

 “Good morning, girls,” he said, pushing me to the floor. “It's been quite a while since you had a communal visit, and so much has changed for Rey.” Manacles clapped over my wrists. “Have a nice time, and don't do anything foolish.”

Naomi didn't have a rebuttal. Kylo took off my blindfold and left again, slamming the steel door behind him and leaving me with the other three captives.

I was slouched over, pulling my weight on my wrists and unwilling to sit up straight. We had things to talk about but I didn't have the willpower. I stared impassively at the stone beneath me, waiting for Kylo to come back and throw me in my room again.

 “...Rey?”

Haley was leaning over trying to get a look at my face. I let my hair shroud it, afraid of what she would say, and too wrapped up in my own self-pity to remember they were all in the same boat.

She shifted. “Hey, it's okay. The first week is always the worst. You're going to get used to it.”

 “Saves all of us for a while, too,” Naomi interjected.

 “Shut up!” Haley hissed, chains jangling. “I can't wait until you're gone!”

There was a soft moan, a voice I didn't recognize. I glanced up to see Rose lying on her side curled halfway into a ball, squeezing her eyes tightly.

 “Stop fighting,” she said. Her voice was hardly a whisper. “That's what he wants.”

Rose looked paler than I remembered, and her cheeks were flushed pink. Both Naomi and Haley immediately stopped, sitting back and glaring away from one another. Their third friend had a slight tremor and I realized they were trying to protect her. She was sick.

I looked back down at the ground. My problems could wait. I had to keep pushing it down and ignoring it to focus on getting all of us out alive. It wasn't fair to let Rose succumb to her sickness or let Kylo figure it out himself. I wouldn't let any of them die in our hellhole.

Gritting my teeth, I resisted my aching muscles and sat up straight to look at Haley and Naomi. The latter refused to look at me but Haley smiled faintly.

 “You're right,” I said. “He wants us to bicker. It'll make it harder to escape.”

 “We're not going _anywhere_ ,” Naomi spat. “You'll die here just like the rest of us.”

 “We need a plan,” I continued, ignoring her to address Rose and Haley. “There's four of us and one of him, and regardless of how weak or tired we are, we can beat him. We can all go home.”

Rose opened her eyes, still flinching. “...Home? How?”

Haley was invigorated and smiling full now, moving closer to me. “I like how you think, Rey. I bet we can get him to let us all loose in here together—I've been thinking of it forever. But he doesn't trust any of us enough, so maybe you can try to manipulate him. He likes you.”

 “And if we're all free, we can take him down,” I said, “even if it's only for a short time. We need his keys. We can lock him in here and escape all together.”

 “Escape?” Rose echoed. She lifted her head. “You think so?”

 “It makes sense,” Haley said. “I kept a fork he gave me under my mattress and every once in a while I work on sharpening it. If you can get him to let us free in here, we can do it.”

Naomi kicked a big rock to distract all of us. She was livid. “What are all of you fucking talking about?! You're _never_ getting out of here in one piece! He'll find out what you're planning and punish all of us for it, and we'll be even worse off than before! So shut your fucking mouths and stop disrespecting yourselves. Accept it. We're stuck here until he needs new pussy."

 “You said it yourself, Naomi,” Haley snapped. “Kylo trusts Rey for whatever reason. He really, really likes her. If she keeps up whatever she's doing he might be willing to take her requests into account, and we can all take him down together!”

 “Go fuck yourself. I'm not letting some pervert make me his plaything.” Naomi's eyes were flashing, teeth bared. “I'll fight him to the very end.”

We were all quiet for a while. I stared at Naomi, shocked by her aggression. Didn't she want to get out and see her family again? She had to put her pride aside—fighting him just made things worse. He liked the girls who were obedient. They were harder to break to him. Was she going to stand in the way of the rest of us escaping?

Beside me, I heard Haley sniffle. Her eyes were puffy and red and tears were streaming down her cheeks, clearing off dirt along the way.

 “I know it's going to be hard to see them, Naomi,” Haley said, looking down at her feet. “I don't want to imagine what my mom is going to say when she sees my hair.” She glanced up at me, fighting her tears. “She used to braid my hair all the time—put it in patterns. All the girls at school loved it and... I want that back again. He cut off all my hair because it was too 'bothersome' to take care of.

“But my mom will understand. She always does, and when my hair grows back down to my waist we'll spend every day braiding it together, and I'll never have it cut again. And I'll never think of this place, or what happened here. But if I do, my mom will be there for me.”

I was in a painful shock watching the girl beside me sobbing. She hadn't seen her family in three years... Getting back into normal life was going to be pure agony. Kylo had defaced her body in more ways than one but she was still holding her head high. Her eyes weren't fierce like Naomi's. They held quiet conviction, the kind a person would never stop holding onto.

Rose sat up, groaning and gritting her teeth. She nodded toward Haley and I. “I'm with both of you. I think we finally have a way out of this.” She smiled, lower lip quivering. “And I can't wait to see my mom and dad. Hell, even seeing my little sisters will be great.”

We all looked at Naomi, who was angrily glaring at the ground, eyes watery. She sniffed, turning her head away to try to hide her tears.

 “You're all idiots,” she muttered. “He's going to kill all of us.”

 “Then it's settled,” I said, addressing Rose and Haley. “We're getting out of here.”


	11. Chapter 11

Winning the trust of Kylo was far more difficult than I first imagined. I was invigorated by my time spent with the other girls and determined to get all of us out alive, but my energy seemed off-putting to him. He was a bit of a paradox and I knew I would never entirely understand him. I just needed enough of a grasp of him to manipulate.

It was small things in the beginning—being more receptive when he visited, plastering a smile on my face, or dressing myself in the morning. I did what I could to warm him up to me with body language and subtle signs before moving on to asking questions and opening up the playing field.

I'd never been a good liar, and I was even worse at reading people. They were foreign bodies with a mush of thoughts and emotions I couldn't quite organize to coherency. But it got easier and easier each day with Kylo, and I blinked, and almost two weeks had passed.

Kylo wasn't the scariest part of being kidnapped anymore. The cold stone walls had come to feel like home. The worst part was, I didn't know what I was becoming.

Two knocks on my door roused me from my daydreaming and I hopped out of bed to answer it. He didn't barge in like before. Now he would knock and I would answer, smiling and pretending to be happy to see him. It was a total farce but I was almost positive he fell for it. I could practically see him taking off his mask and I could feel the rock in my hands that would smash open—

 “Good morning, Reybee,” he said. “Did you sleep well?”

 “Yes,” I lied for what felt like the millionth time.

He stepped past me to place the plate on the nightstand and left the door wide open. I stared past it into the hallway, wrestling down the urge to make a run for it. There were other people depending on me. I couldn't selfishly run off without them. Heart pounding, I shut the door myself and turned the lock. It was another test and I hoped I'd passed.

 “My mistake,” Kylo murmured from his chair. “Thank you for closing the door, Reybee.”

I pressed a palm to the cool steel. “...You're welcome.”

We sat quietly together while I ate. I was trembling from my missed opportunity to escape but kept reminding myself it was the right thing to do. Besides, Kylo would've caught up to me. I didn't know where I was going in his labyrinth. We'd have to knock him unconscious when we fled.

 “I have a surprise for you, princess,” he said.

 “Oh. What is it?”

The mask looked ghoulish illuminated from the top. The bottom was eclipsed in shadow. He tilted his head and I watched as he took a cell phone out of his pocket.

 “This is an untraceable phone,” Kylo said. “Due to your good behavior, I thought it would be nice if you had a little chat with your family. It's been quite a while since you saw them, and I'm sure your father would like to know you're alive and well. What do you think?”

If I thought the open door had gotten my pulse racing, the cell phone in Kylo's hand turned it to overdrive. I stopped eating to stare at it, mesmerized. I could... I could talk to my dad and Rian. How long had it been since that last happened? Months?

But I was getting the same fears the other girls had about seeing or speaking to their family members again. They would know he hadn't kept us for show—they'd know he'd violated us, from the bruises and the flinching when we were touched. Goose bumps rose up on my forearms. Would dad cry? Would I cry? Would Rian even understand?

The phone moved back and forth like a pendulum in Kylo's hand. He had to be testing me. Either he wanted me to reject the phone call outright or to call my dad and act like I was beatific being held in a cave like a wild animal. I swallowed hard. It was do or die.

 “I will if you want me to,” I said, “but I don't have to.”

All was quiet for a few minutes. He studied me through the indifferent mask, still idly turning the phone in his fingers. I gazed back at him and kept my expression equally blank. It was a good answer. I didn't say I wanted to speak with dad, but I didn't refuse it.

Kylo laughed a bit. “You're a smart girl, Reybee.” And he flipped open the phone, slowly dialing numbers and staring at me. “I think this will be good for you.”

He held it face up in his hand and the waiting sound echoed through the room. It turned the cogs in my head: maybe we weren't as far underground as I thought. The phone wouldn't be able to get a signal if we were too deep. I wrung my fingers and tried to steady my breathing.

 _Click._ “Sheriff Kenobi speaking.”

My breath caught in my throat. I wrestled with it, trying to get a hold of my emotions, and Kylo casually raised the phone to his mask.

 “Good afternoon, Sheriff,” he said in a smooth tone. “I have your daughter here. She would like to speak to you.”

Something clattered to the floor on the opposite line. Dad was standing up, pacing. “What?! Who the hell is this?! Do you think this is some kind of fucking joke? I'll trace this and—”

 “Daddy,” I choked out, interrupting his rant, “it's really me. It's Rey.”

 “Rey, baby!” His voice stopped in his throat, too, and he cleared it a few times. “Oh, Jesus Christ.” He lost control of it and I heard the sobbing start. “Christ, Rey. You're alive. It's such a relief to hear you. It's been months; I was so afraid...”

 “Yes, she's alive,” said Kylo. “Fed, clothed, and watered. But you will never see her again. She is mine now.”

 “Don't worry about me, dad,” I said quickly before my father got too angry. “I'm okay, really.”

 “I'm going to find you,” dad said in a low, menacing voice. “You crossed the wrong family, you sick son of a bitch. And when I do, it won't be pretty.”

Kylo laughed. “I can't wait.”

The call ended and I sank back into my hell with the residual echoes of my father's voice in my head. I stared at the phone as Kylo slipped it back in his pocket. I'd never heard dad cry before. It stirred me, twinging the humanity in me, but I shoved it down where it belonged, refusing to let my emotions get the best of me. I was going to escape.

Kylo rose from his chair and I could sense his smile. “I've never contacted a family before, but you're a special case, Reybee. You're strong—perhaps too strong.”

I lowered my eyes to the floor. “No I'm not. I do whatever you ask.”

 “Of course you do, but I know you haven't broken.” He clasped his hands behind his back and twisted his neck until it cracked. “I don't own you completely until you're broken. But, it seems there is nothing I can do. Even speaking with your father had no ill effect.”

 “Sorry.”

 “Oh, I wouldn't be _too_ sorry. I enjoy a challenge.”

I didn't look up at him. I couldn't make heads or tails of Kylo anymore. What the fuck did he want from me? I wanted so desperately to scream in his face; to crush his windpipe in my bare hands, but I had to keep it all down in my stomach where it festered and ruined me.

The bed creaked as he sat beside me and placed a bare hand on my knee. I glared at it, trying to remember every horrible crease. I'd never forget him. Not until he was dead.

 “You have potential beyond wasting away like the others,” Kylo continued. He squeezed. “Trustworthy, obedient... And I have wanted you for quite some time. I think I should express this potential. Create something with it, and finally exercise utter control over you.”

I was either too exhausted or traumatized to follow. I wrung my fingers and risked a peek at the mask, shivering from being touched. “What do you mean?”

He brushed my hair from my face.  “You are going to give me offspring.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :O

All of me flinched at once, utterly repulsed. I drew back from Kylo's touch and stared at him in shock as his words seeped into my head. Give him offspring? He couldn't be serious. He was testing me again, or maybe he was finally starting to lose his mind completely.

He cocked his head innocently. “Does that upset you, Reybee?”

We had to leave _immediately_. I'd tell the girls what he said and they would understand. It was time for me to act; to request all of us to have our hands free when we met up next. If I pretended to be happy about him trying to impregnate me, it might work. I rubbed my sweaty palms on my sheets.

 “That... sounds nice,” I managed, contorting my mouth into a smile.

 “Yes, it does.” Kylo stroked my upper arm with the back of his hand, drawing goose bumps. “When you become pregnant, you won't have to live here with the other girls any more. You'll stay in my home. All you have to do is leave them behind, and I'm sure that matters very little.”

  _Like hell_ , I thought bitterly. I'd never leave them. Today was the day we all escaped.

I swallowed hard. It was do or die. “Okay. I have something to ask you.”

 “Anything.”

 “Could you leave all of us girls unchained when we meet? It would be nice to be able to sit closer together, and to touch and have freedom of movement.”

It was quiet for a few minutes. Kylo continued stroking my arm in slow, gentle movements, revealing no agitation through his touch. I wrung my hands as fear bloomed in my stomach. Was he going to blow up on me? He could be nasty when he wanted to be. Maybe my suggestion was a bit early, but I didn't have time anymore.

He quietly rose from the bed and clicked his tongue. “Have I taught you nothing, my Reybee?”

The fear took root as he walked away from me toward the door and I sprang to my feet. My soles were more than accustomed to the rocky surface but I was hyper aware, terrified of losing his trust, and each small prick into my skin felt like a thousand needles.

 “I didn't mean anything by it,” I said, backtracking faster than my mouth could form words. “It would be nice if we could interact and—“

 “Yes, yes; you will have your way.” He was pacing a couple inches, clearly aggravated. “As you always have, you silly creature. Come here. It's time to go.”

I refused, hovering near my bed, and for the first time in quite a while Kylo came after me. I was weak as ever from my poor diet and lack of sunshine or exercise. He caught me by the hair in the middle of the room and pinned me to the bed, his knee on my neck, to cuff my wrists behind my back. Pain pulsed along my scalp as he dragged me to my feet and from the room, forgoing the blindfold.

The corridors that I had been down so many times before without my sight were featureless and dark. I'd been right about the lanterns lining them but nothing else helped me figure out where I was. I struggled in vain, afraid Kylo was getting ready to kill me.

He threw me into the cold iron door guarding the central room and I wheezed out a breath, slouching over in my cuffs and forcing him to keep me standing. I couldn't cry—I didn't remember how—I just let myself be pulled into the room like a ragdoll and thrown on the floor.

Scrapes and gashes ripped through the left side of my body as the door slammed shut. I swallowed hard, panting and trying to turn over enough to see the rest of the room.

Kylo's black boot passed an inch by my face and I saw him circling around Rose, who was lying in a heap in the center of the room. Her hands were unbound and she was naked, shivering but no longer in any capacity to protect herself. He nudged her nearly lifeless body with his boot.

Haley was beside me, chained to the floor but unresponsive. I was free from the floor but couldn't find the will to lift myself. I glanced to my right to see Naomi sitting ramrod straight, smiling faintly.

 “I trusted you, Reybee,” Kylo said. “I explained the rules to you—the sick are to be properly dealt with. We cannot risk polluting the group for one weak link.” He put his boot on Rose's head and she moaned but didn't move. “I was willing to overlook it and take care of this myself as I have done in the past, but as always, you expected more of me.”

 “I'm sorry,” I whimpered, face pressed on the ground. “I'm so—“

Then he was on me, rolling me over on my back and pushing his mask centimeters from my face. I wailed but no tears came out and he held me firm to stop my struggling.

 “If you say you're sorry one more _goddamn time_ ,” he snarled, “I will slit Haley's throat. Stop apologizing to me. Your empty platitudes were amusing but they're ranking on my last nerve.” He pulled me closer—I could feel the plastic on my skin. “You were supposed to report it to me. Why would you lie to me, Reybee? Have I not been gentle? Understanding? Loving?”

 “Yes... yes... I'm s—“

Kylo stood up and violently kicked me in the ribs until I couldn't breathe. He stepped over me and moved on to Haley, and I heard handcuffs opening. Warmth seeped in my throat and I started coughing, spraying blood all over the floor.

 “Wake up,” he muttered. “You have a job to do.”

Haley slumped over but Kylo scooped under her arms to drag her over to where Rose was lying on the dirty floor. He raised her hand and I watched in horror as he pressed the hilt of a knife into her palm, closing her long fingers around it. He let her drop again and stood behind her, clasping his hands in front of him like he was praying.

 “I don't think Reybee was entirely to blame for this incident,” he said. “I've no doubt you poisoned her with your pernicious optimism, Haley, so I would like you to kill Rose in Reybee's stead.” He glanced over his shoulder at me and my insides twisted. “We can't have you getting your hands dirty.”

 “I told you!” Naomi spat, suddenly coming to life. “I told you this would—“

Kylo turned his palatial gaze toward her and she was immediately silenced. He glared at her steadily as Haley slowly propped herself up, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. I couldn't speak. My lungs hurt, my ribs were throbbing, and I was afraid I would only apologize more.

Haley sniffled and tightened her grasp on the knife, trembling with either rage or fear. I couldn't see her face but I watched her back stiffen and knew what she was planning.

 “Don't,” I rasped.

She spun around faster than I could blink and the blade glinted in the low light. He was expecting her—Kylo avoided her swing and shoved her to the ground with one foot on her back so she was face-first. The knife clattered across the floor and Haley started screaming furiously. My heart was racing. What the hell was she thinking?!

 “An eye for an eye,” Kylo hissed.

He violently stomped on her right arm, bent a bit to keep her off the floor, and I winced when I heard a horrific crunch. She screamed again, this time a bloodcurdling, shrill noise that made me sick to my stomach. I turned my eyes away when I saw him bending down and heard another set of cracks as he shattered her arm in innumerable places.

Kylo kicked her away and she curled into a ball, shrieking and cradling her broken arm. He scooped up the knife and approached Rose. One of her eyes cracked open and she whimpered.

 “This would have been much more pleasant if you told me the truth, Rose,” he murmured. He used a foot to roll her onto her back and waved the knife. “But you've made me angry.”

Pulse pounding, ears roaring, chest aflame, I gathered my last bit of willpower and raised my voice above the din.

 “Stop!”

It seemed to surprise everyone save for Haley, who was in too much agony to care. Naomi blinked at me and even Rose roused as Kylo half-turned to look at me. I stared back at him as my muddled mind turned over what exactly I was planning on doing.

  “I'll do it,” I panted. “I'll kill her.”

The quiet carried on. Their expressions turned to confusion and Haley furrowed her brow at me, clutching her right arm and panting into a pile of vomit. I kept my eyes even with Kylo's, determined to hide my plan. If I ended up having an arm broken, so be it. But maybe it was crazy enough to actually work.

He stepped off Rose, tilting his head. “Is that initiative I'm seeing, Reybee?”

 “...Yes.”

 “Hm.” Kylo tossed the knife into his opposite hand. “If you try anything silly, I will be forced to break your legs. That would make your pregnancy difficult.”

All eyes widened but I ignored them. My hands were clammy.

 “I don't want her to suffer,” I said. “Let me do it.”

 “My sweet Reybee. I ought to deny you, considering your recent disobedience. But I do have a difficult time saying 'no' to you, especially when you're so willing. Come here, princess.”

Shivering, I summoned my strength and rolled onto my back to get to my feet. My hands were still bound and I couldn't use them for much but I wasn't planning on using them. I shuffled towards Kylo and Rose, glancing at Haley as I passed. She nodded, too short of a motion to see by anyone but me. She knew I was going to try taking Kylo out myself.

The world was black on my periphery. I'd been scared before, like when dad and I ran into a bear when he took me out fishing. That had been acute fear—I was steps away from a killing machine, encroaching on her territory. I could remember her beady black eyes gazing into me, debating whether or not she felt like ripping me apart.

This was different. Dad had a gun and I knew deep down that we would escape. But as I staggered toward the man who had kidnapped me and tortured me for months on end, there was no safety. He would do what the bear had decided, in a moment of utter indifference to a puny human. My legs were jelly and my chest was too tight to breathe. I was staring death in the face.

He stood in front of Rose and reached into his pocket for his keys. I caught her sickened eyes and she nodded. Kylo was off-kilter by our disobedience. We stood a chance.

 “I'm counting on you, Reybee,” he whispered, unlocking my manacles.

 “I know,” I replied.

Whether deliberately or not, he left himself wide open for attack.

Rose grabbed one of his ankles and yanked as hard as she could. It surprised him enough that he turned his eyes to her and I immediately kicked him between the legs. He yelped and collapsed to his knees, still holding the knife, and before I could do much else Haley was hovering over him. Puffy-eyed and still sobbing from the pain, she drew back her good elbow and brought it down on his neck.

A titan fell. He was human. He sprawled out on the floor without another move as the three of us stood around him, high on adrenaline and shocked to the core.

 “Let's get the fuck out of here,” Haley snapped. “I'll unlock these two. Can you carry Rose?”

 “I can walk,” Rose said, but her inability to even get up proved that wrong.

Naomi was dumbfounded as Haley opened her shackles. She rubbed her wrists and stared at the collapsed Specter, almost terrified. “Is he dead?”

 “No,” I said, “but he won't be out for long. We need to get a good distance on him.”

Rose tried to get up again. “I... I can't move... Just leave me here. I'm going to die either way.” She coughed and fell, curling into a ball. “I want to die.”

 “Oh no, you don't!” Haley grabbed Rose's arm and somehow pulled her up, handing her off to me. “No one is getting left behind. We're all going the fuck home.”

Thankfully Rose was feather-light. I ignored the raging pain in my chest as Naomi and Haley positioned her on my back and she slouched over, almost passed out. The two of them rushed out of the room, eager to escape, but I hesitated near the unconscious Kylo.

  _Look at him. Find out who did this to you._

Rose coughed again, shuddering, and I bit my lip. There was no time to check. We all needed to see doctors, but Rose needed to go to the hospital.

 “Sleep tight, you sick son of a bitch,” I hissed on my way past him.

As I left the room, I slammed the iron door shut behind me.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HERE HAVE ANOTHER

The place was a labyrinth.

We wasted plenty of time going the wrong way, me tailing behind with Rose while Haley and Naomi argued about which direction to go in. I was worried—I could feel her staggered breaths and the crackling in her lungs whenever she took a breath. All the zigzagging and backtracking we were doing brought her closer and closer to death, and meant Kylo was closer to waking.

 “We went this way already!” Haley snapped, cheeks streaked with tears. Her arm was pouring blood, staining rags she'd used to bind it.

We'd found clothes for Rose, too. None of us knew what the weather would be like so we grabbed whatever we could. I shifted Rose and glanced nervously behind us.

 “We need to figure it out,” I said. “He's going to be up soon. None of us can outrun him in our condition.”

 “Leave Rose, then!” Naomi said. “She's literally just deadweight. She's almost at the light.”

Haley puffed up furiously and got ready to lob something back but we all heard the distinct groan of a metal door opening not too far off. All of us exchanged terrified glances and immediately took off running down the nearest hallway, inspired by our mutual fear of recapture.

 “He's already _awake_?!” Naomi hissed as we ran. “You really clocked him, too!” She turned on me, raving mad. “Why didn't you kill him when you had the chance?”

 “Because the minute you do that, he wins,” Haley retorted before I could even process Naomi's words. “None of us are monsters. We're almost—“

 “REY!” bellowed Kylo from the darkness, carrying the last syllable. “REY, I KNOW YOU'RE STILL HERE. THIS ISN'T HOW IT WORKS!”

It had the intended effect. I'd never heard him shout; he was always composed and calm and collected. My blood turned to ice and I nearly stopped in my tracks. If he caught up to me, he would kill me. No more niceties. He would fucking kill me.

 “What's his deal with you?!” Naomi demanded, glaring at me.

I had no goddamn idea. Tears pricked the corners of my eyes. That was the scariest part.

Our choice was right and soon we saw faint light coming from under a door. Haley had swiped Kylo's keys and she jammed each one in the lock, trembling. Footsteps came closer and Naomi started throwing herself against the door in a panic. My hands were sweaty; Rose was sliding out of my grasp and getting awfully heavy.

 “Got it!” Haley crowed, and the door was shoved open.

It was twilight. We all poured outside and took off into the woods, breathing fresh air and feeling the failing sunshine for the first time in forever. Naomi was grinning from ear-to-ear and she leapt for joy, almost slashing her face on a stray branch. Haley was somber, glaring ahead and avoiding what she could but ignoring the rest. She would celebrate when we were back home with our families.

Christ, the air felt good in my lungs. I took deep breaths, invigorated, and enjoyed feeling it run through my dirty hair. It was like I'd been sleeping for ages and finally woken up. I would never take the outdoors for granted again. I'd never coop up in my bedroom.

We didn't know where to go. We all ran blindly, heading straight away from the prison, and soon the sound of rushing water reached our ears. It was a good sign. Water usually meant people, and we could follow it downstream to a town or even a camp. I shifted Rose's weight and carried on after my friends, elated. I couldn't wait to see dad and Rian again.

 “REY!”

Close—too close. All of us shivered a little but kept going as he pulled the last syllable out again. We couldn't hear his footsteps so he had to be a good distance behind us.

 “There's a waterfall up ahead,” Haley said. “No matter what, we all jump in. It'll sweep us downstream faster than he can follow.” She looked at me. We were all covered in sweat but fear kept us moving. “Keep her head above water, Rey. Naomi, you'll need to help me swim.”

 “This all could've been avoided if you just finished the job and killed him,” Naomi said acerbically. “Severed an artery, cut off his fucking leg off; something!”

The water was farther than we anticipated. We all slowed down, weakened from hunger and living underground for so long. Kylo's shouting grew louder and louder and soon we heard his footsteps as we arrived at a ravine.

Haley routed her anger to Naomi again, clutching her wounded arm but casting her an intimidating glare that could melt steel. I shrank back and adjusted Rose.

 “It's too goddamn late for you, Naomi,” Haley said. “You're exactly what he wanted—you're a monster. Killing people, leaving them bleeding out in the dark. He'll get what's coming to him.” She turned to face the ravine. “We'll all go home without blood on our hands. Now be careful when you jump. It's rocky most of the way down.”

Naomi clenched her jaw, arms crossed and staring at the ground, then lifted her head to snap something else at me. Her stance softened and she took a step back, looking over my shoulder with wide eyes. Leaves shifted, crinkling together, and I heard clinking. Panting. He was winded from running after us. He was already here.

I turned to see Kylo feet away from me, handcuffs dangling from his hand. The mask was still on but had some blood and dirt on it. Despite not being able to see his face, he looked crazed.

 “Reybee, sweetheart,” he pleaded. “Reybee. You won't make it.”

He wouldn't come toward us. He knew we were all moments from jumping to freedom. I swallowed hard and bent down to lower Rose off my back.

 “Naomi, take Rose,” I said. “You guys go. I'll be along soon.”

 “Are you crazy?!” Haley hissed. “Come on, Rey! We can all jump together!”

Kylo rocked forward and I took a step back, threatening him. He leaned back into position and swung the handcuffs impatiently as I glared over my shoulder at the other girls.

 “Go,” I said.

Haley protested again but Naomi was in fairly good health and pushed her back from me. She scooped up Rose and nodded to me, backing up a few steps before leaping over the edge of the ravine. When we heard a splash below Haley stepped up beside me, leveling her eyes with Kylo's.

 “I can't leave you here alone,” she said.

 “You can, and you will. I'll be right in after you guys.” I smiled at her, feeling the faintest bit of happiness. “Be careful and try to get close to the shoreline.”

She puckered her lips, examining me, then nodded. “Okay. You be careful, too.” Her dark eyes moved back to Kylo and hardened. “Maybe Naomi was right. Maybe we should've killed him.”

Kylo didn't flinch when she also escaped, swept off by the strong river below us. It was a bit nerve-wracking, what with her broken arm, but Haley was far from weak. She would find a way or latch onto Naomi further down the river. I'd catch up to them sooner or later.

I stood a foot or two from the edge of the ravine as he began to pace. He wasn't used to being out of control. Among the tall pine trees he seemed small, and I could see tufts of black hair emerging from under his mask. He was losing his mind. Would he hurt other girls when I escaped?

 “I love you, Reybee,” he said in a strained voice, pointing at me. “You are ungrateful. I waited so long to have you; I built all of this to have you, to practice my techniques. You were my final prize. It took planning, so much planning to bring this to fruition.”

 “Why?” I asked. “Why me?”

 “Why you? Why you? How could you ask such an inane question? The other girls should have asked that: Why Naomi? Why Rose? Why Haley? They were fodder; meaningless cogs in a machine. _You are everything_. The final prize. The holy grail.”

 “You're crazy.”

Kylo inched nearer. “You will never escape from me, my Reybee. I will find you, even if your father decides to leave town. I will follow you to the ends of the earth and leave mounds of corpses in my wake. Your freedom will be short-lived, and your inevitable imprisonment will be far worse than before. I tried to be patient with you.”

The light was beginning to fade. I glanced over my shoulder at the steep embankment below, mind racing. The others had made it, but would I? Maybe it was where Anabel had died when she tried to escape. Anything was better than going back to the hell he'd trapped me in. Even death.

My toes curled into the cool mud. “You liked to tell me I would never get away from you.” I smiled, baring my teeth at Kylo tauntingly. “You miscalculated.”

Every fiber of my being told me not to do it, but I knew I had to. I twisted on my heel and ignored my instincts telling me to keep my feet flat on the ground, and then I was flying through the air.  The wind whistled through my hair and I turned as I fell to smile up at the sky. Sweet freedom.

And before I hit the frigid water, I saw a familiar face watching me escape with intense terror. He was leaned over the ravine, extending a gloved hand toward me, mask hanging loosely around his neck. I stared back into deep brown eyes in utter shock.

  _No. It wasn't—_

The impact came and moments after the water had my body, a rock took my consciousness.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> u guys are good reviewers so have another

 “...She has a moderate concussion. It may be months before the fog lifts.” A sheet of paper flipped over, crinkling during the process. “I'm... not sure you're ready to see the results of her exam, Keith. Wait a few weeks. Let her wake up and be your daughter again. You'll have a hard time stomaching what we found, and—“

 “I need to see it.” It's my dad, on the verge of tears. “What did that son of a bitch do to Rey?”

 “Nothing irreparable, and nothing you need to worry about. She's alive and she's in one piece. Three others girls are alive, too. Let's take today to count our blessings.”

It was a woman speaking. I couldn't remember her name but I _knew_ her.

A warm hand was closed around one of mine that I hadn't recognized. Sensation filtered back in snippets: the smell of hospital, the sound of dad weeping softly, the scratching of the doctor's palm across his back as she tried to console him. Soft sheets were covering me and my gown was nice and loose, avoiding touching all my cuts and contusions.

It was a safe place. There was no dripping from the ceiling and only the soft beeps of monitors in other rooms drifted into mine. I was around other people. I was alive.

Unfortunately, there were thin tubes lodged up my nose. My fingers reflexively tightened as I realized it and felt the uncomfortable burn down my throat toward my trachea. Pains began to come to light. The soles of my feet throbbed; my abdomen was riddled with minor aches; but my head...

Dad moved closer. “Janine, I think she's waking up.”

Ah—shit. I winced as my headache came pounding back and a tender area on the side of my skull began pace with it. There was a smell of perfume.

 “I'll give her a little Dilaudid,” the doctor—Janine—said. “It'll take the edge off. I'm sure her whole body hurts.” Fingers snapped in my face. “Rey? Are you awake?”

I flinched. My throat was parched.

 “Good to see reflexes,” Janine said. “Rey, you're in Esperance, Louisiana. You're in the hospital. Now, make sure you don't move much as you wake up, okay? You have an IV in your elbow and oxygen tubes in your nose. When you have a drink of water I'll take out the oxygen.”

It was bright, but I pried my eyes open, desperate to confirm I wasn't having a dream.

The room was painted blue and green and I was all alone, save for my father sitting beside me and an older woman pouring me a cup of water. I blinked slowly as I regained my bearings and licked my lips. Huh. I'd actually gotten away from him. I was finally safe.

My father squeezed my hand, tears in his eyes. “You made it, Rey. You did it.”

The doctor reminded dad not to smother me with affection quite yet and left the room to check on the other girls. Dad kept strangling my hand, reining himself in, but I wanted nothing more than to hug him until the pain got intense enough to make me pass out. I sat up straighter in bed, guzzling down water, and wrinkled my nose.

 “These tubes suck,” I grumbled.

My eyes were getting watery but I wasn't going to let myself cry. Poor dad had done enough of that.

 “Well someone didn't feel like breathing,” dad said playfully, wiping his eyes. “You haven't been unconscious for long, sweetheart. The doctor said you'll be fine.”

 “I'm home. Even if I was in ten pieces, I'd be fine.”

We broke the rules. Dad got up so fast he knocked his chair over and enveloped me in a bear hug. I sputtered but embraced him back, tightening as much as my tired muscles would let me. Both of us cried and neither of us cared much. I was home, safe and sound. Dad was here.

 “Oh, Jesus Christ, Keith!”

Janine came bustling over, lightly slapping my dad's arms and demanding he let me go. My father dragged her into the hug and she sighed in defeat, patting both of us while we alternated between crying and laughing. It was a strange emotional experience. Joy and grief at the same time.

I was home and alive, but I would never be the same.

The nurses took out my oxygen tubes and disconnected the IV. I eyed the dinner plate they left on my table and grudgingly nibbled on a couple of carrots for my dad's benefit. Janine was gone again, off to check up on my fellow escapees. I hoped they were all okay and reunited with their families.

 “Rian can't wait to see you,” dad said, helping himself to my unappealing dinner. “I... I told him you went on a vacation.” He grimaced, rubbing his stubble. “I figured it was easier.”

 “Yeah, definitely. I'm glad he wasn't scared. I don't want him to see me like this, though.”

Dad leaned back. “They're going to keep you here for a week—blood tests and making sure your concussion isn't too bad. Janine thinks you'll be fine.” His gaze shifted to the door suspiciously. “I'll be here the entire time. I don't trust a damn person in this town.”

Before I could ask why, there was a gentle knock on the door. Dad straightened up, clearly recognizing it, and beamed. He told them to come in while I struggled to sit up in bed. Who the hell was visiting me? I flinched as my head throbbed. A fog... No, this was like being underwater. My brain was too slow. Things came to me in small snippets; I was not hit with the full brunt of my memories.

And I was thankful for that. It let me enjoy my father's company for at least a little while. Part of me hoped the concussion would last for a very long time. I knew it would be painful regaining what my mind had safely sequestered away for the time being. All the long, cold nights in my prison, staring at the wall and forcing myself not to cry; cold manacles; a monster inside—

 “Rey?”

The fog thickened again when I heard my dad's voice and I looked up quickly, trying to disguise my thoughts. He offered me a small smile and nodded towards the foot of my bed.

Ben was sitting backwards on a chair with his arms draped over it, smiling faintly at me. He was stroking his stubble like he was considering something and he looked otherwise a bit haggard. His black hair was hidden underneath a beanie and he had a sweater and khakis on. He must've come from work to see how I was doing.

My legs tingled. Something animalistic roused in me—it wanted me to _run_. I had no idea why. I didn't understand why my eyes brimmed with tears at the sight of him. It was all a reflex. I wiped them, averting my eyes, and dad stepped closer again.

 “Sorry, honey,” he said hastily. “Ben was very concerned so I assumed—“

 “It's ok,” I interrupted, waving him off. “Thanks for coming to see me, Ben.”

His smile widened and my chest constricted. There was something I wanted to remember...

 “My pleasure,” he murmured.

No, the voice was wrong. My body relaxed a little at this, no longer jumping to conclusions. What the hell was wrong with me? Would I blame every man I came across?

Dad sat again, wary now. “Janine said it might take a while before you can remember things.” He opened the drawer of the nightstand beside my bed and took out a notebook and pen. “Write down whatever comes to you, Rey. No pressure, though. You have a couple more days here before I can take you home but I'll be guarding the door 'round the clock.”

 “That's ridiculous,” I said. “Go home and check on Rian.”

 “He's staying with Janine's daughter. I'll go see him when I can.” Dad put the notebook in my lap and took my hand again. “Part of me is afraid you'll disappear.”

 “Go get some sleep, Keith,” Ben said. “I don't have any more appointments today, so I'll stay until you've gotten at least a couple hours in.”

I gave dad another intimidating glare and he sighed heavily. He had huge circles under his eyes and looked like he needed a shower, too. I'd be fine for a day or two without him.

It hurt, and I momentarily forgot what my father had gone through. I patted his hand and smiled.

 “I'll be fine,” I said. “I'm not going anywhere. There are a ton of eyes watching me.”

My father softened a bit and leaned forward to kiss me on the forehead. “I'll be back before you know it. Call me if you need anything.” He nudged my gross hospital food. “Like real sustenance.”

Then he was gone and shut the door behind him, leaving me alone in my room with Ben and the hissing of the machines beside my bed. The hospital was quiet outside, only broken by beeps and the rolling of gurneys across the linoleum floors.

Ben crossed his forearms over the foot of the bed, smiling. “It's gonna be hell getting him to leave this hospital every night, you know that? Never saw him happier than when those fisherman called the police station—pulled you right out of the river, all four of you.”

 “I have to remember to thank them.”

 “Your daddy already did that, up until they were sick of hearing it.”

His voice was nice. It was more Southern than dad's and made Ben slightly less intimidating. I smiled at his joke and looked down at my bedsheets. Anything was better than Kylo's cold baritone. Methodical, emotionless... There was nothing human in him.

The chair my father had been in groaned back as Ben took a seat next to me. He smelled good as usual, not foreign but not linked to my bad memories. I examined my cracked fingernails, a bit apprehensive about talking to him. Maybe it would've been better to make dad stay.

 “Is this too close?” Ben asked. “I can move back if you'd like.”

 “...It's fine.”

 “Tell me if you're uncomfortable, Rey.” He was trying to get me to look at him. “I was talking with your dad about what's going to happen in the next couple of weeks and I want to talk to you, too.”

 “Great,” I grumbled.

Ben suddenly reached out to the edge of my chin between his thumb and curled index finger, finally forcing me to look at him. His brown eyes were sad.

 “Listen to me,” he said gently. “I want to help you and try to keep some stress off your daddy. He's going to be busy for the next couple months trying to find whoever did this to you, and watching you suffering from post-traumatic stress will make things a while lot worse.”

I scowled. “I don't have PTSD. I feel fine.”

 “That's the concussion keeping your brain mottled up. It could be weeks, even months before it lifts, but you're going to start feeling it soon. Small things—voices, sensations—for a while. It'll escalate into night terrors and hallucinations, flashbacks, avoidance, numbing.”

People who went off to war got PTSD, not me. I was elated to be home with my father and brother again and it didn't feel like my memories would come back. If I ignored it like I had ignored my feelings during my kidnapping, maybe they would never resurface. I just had to be positive. But it was all bubbling beneath the surface, waiting to overflow.

I swiped his hand away, abruptly angry. “Are you saying I need _therapy_? I'm not crazy. I'll be right as rain in a couple of days.”

 “You aren't crazy, but you will need someone to help you digest what you're feeling and remembering. It's just a safe place for you to feel whatever you need to.”

My temper flared. It was completely out of character for me. I felt trapped, like I was becoming a victim; like everyone would look at me with sad, sympathetic eyes and imagine what I had been subjected to. I wasn't weak. I had survived an ordeal that would have killed anyone else. I was in one goddamn piece and I had helped saved three other girls.

 “Stop talking to me like that,” I snapped.

 “Rey, I understand—“

I sat up too fast and my head spun. “No, you don't understand anything! How the hell can you understand? You come in here and start trying to psychoanalyze me and treat me like I'm some kind of loose cannon! There is nothing wrong with me. As a matter of fact, I could go for a walk!”

To his credit, Ben tried to stop me. I swung my legs around the opposite side of the bed and overestimated my strength, dropping all my weight on my two very weak feet.

Every muscle in my body crumpled. It was a disturbing feeling, knowing my muscles had atrophied so soon after my escape. I couldn't turn fast enough to catch myself on the bed and figured I would fall on the filthy floor and knock myself out again.

Instead, the unexpected speed twisted my brain around and brought in unconsciousness again. I woozily fell but was caught at the last moment, and I fainted into another fitful slumber.


	15. Chapter 15

When I woke up again I refused to even look at Ben. He was lounging in his chair beside my bed flipping through television channels and utterly ignoring me. I folded my arms, trembling from my fainting episode and pure rage, and fixated an angry glare on the door across the room. The only sound was soft beeps and feet in the hospital's hallways.

I was more humiliated than pissed off at him. I'd crumpled like a leaf and had all the righteous fury of an injured kitten. My cheeks burned when I glanced at the back of his head as he tilted it from side to side, probably listening to music. Maybe I'd overreacted a little.

But that was to be expected, right? I was in a fragile emotional state. I opened up my clenched fists to look down at my palms that were heavily scarred from gripping sharp rocks in my prison. Permanently damaged. It was a hard pill to swallow. I'd come home, but the old Rey Kenobi was gone.

 “Good, you're awake. Pizza should be here soon.”

Ben hadn't even turned to look at me but was instead speaking over his shoulder. I stared at the back of his head and felt the first rumblings of hunger. Pizza? I hadn't had that delicacy in a long time. It had always been plain food with Kylo: basic vegetables, meats without any dressings, salad with no croutons or extras. The hospital food was terribly bland but _pizza_... My mouth watered at the thought. I hadn't had cheese in forever.

I studied the edge of my bed sheet. “Thank you.”

 “You're welcome.” He looked at me, flashing a grin. “The doctor may be a bit upset but she'll get over it. 'Long as you eat something, right?”

 “Yeah.”

The delivery person called and Ben left to pick it up in the lobby, leaving me alone in my room and in an awful silence with my thoughts.

I threw back my bed sheets and pulled up my gown to get a look at my body. They'd given me a catheter and, in another embarrassing turn of events, a diaper, but both had been taken off when the nurse came into help me use the bathroom.

There were some bruises from my trip down the river and as I had expected, I was kind of emaciated. My legs were the thinnest they'd ever been and I was eager to start thickening them up again with exercise and a good diet. My arms were the same. Bones were pressing my skin in a sickly way.

Unfortunately, my extremities didn't look that great. My feet were too repulsive to look at—the nurses had treated them and bound them in a bandage to keep me from looking. I assumed there were lacerations and pus-filled boils and black toenails; all things I really didn't need to think about.

But my hands made me the most upset. I turned them over again, examining every scratch that was now a permanent mark in my skin. My fingers were long and gaunt, spindly like an elderly woman but smooth like a younger one. It made me look like a spider.

And around my wrists were dull reddish marks from all the times I'd been restrained by Kylo. They crisscrossed between the sharp edges of the handcuffs and the blurred lines of the rope. I stroked my left wrist with my fingertips, reflecting back. It wouldn't happen again. Dad would protect me from anything and I'd make sure I carried protection.

A gentle knock preceded Ben. I covered myself up and cleared my throat to signal he could come in and he peeked inside, smiling.

 “No one caught me,” he said, shutting the door behind himself. “It's plain cheese. Hope that's ok.”

 “It could have sardines and I'd still eat some.”

He laughed as he set the pizza down on a table against the wall. “I'd never subject you to that, Rey.” He positioned my table over my lap and set down a paper plate, turning to get me a slice.

 “Dad will,” I grumbled. “He'll rant about the omega-3s.”

The box opened and the aroma of dough and cheese wafted toward me. Drool gathered in my mouth—god, I'd never smelled anything better. I wriggled impatiently in bed and my stomach squeezed.

Ben gave me two to occupy me while he got his own food. He was still smiling to himself, probably amused by my joke about dad's fish obsession. I wrung my fingers, waiting for him to get his and trying to be polite. It was rude to eat before...

  _“Eat slowly, Reybee. Don't be rude.”_

My chest tightened. The monster was still inside my head.

 “...Besides, you could use brain food.”

I caught the last snippet of Ben's words. He was sitting in his chair eating a slice and eyeing the television as best as he could from his position. I looked down at mine, now a bit nauseous. Had I blacked out a little? I didn't remember watching him get his pizza.

 “Sure,” I muttered.

His brown eyes shifted to me and he paused in chewing. He swallowed and cocked his head. “Are you feeling alright, Rey? Do you need some space?”

I didn't respond, instead opting to force the pizza down my throat. I'd be okay.

We were both quiet for a long time after as the sky outside began turning dark. I sleepily watched the game show on TV while Ben tidied up around my room. A nurse came in to check on me and to offer me more Dilaudid for the pain, which I declined. It was tolerable. She helped me to the bathroom and changed out my sheets.

When I had settled back into bed I noticed Ben still hadn't taken off his beanie. It wasn't too cold in my room—then again, I had thick socks on and a blanket over my lap.

 “Isn't your head hot?” I asked.

The back of his chair was facing me and he turned it towards my bed again. His hands were in his pockets and he looked as drowsy as me.

 “My hair looks silly after I put a hat on it,” Ben said, smiling. “It's better to just leave the thing on.”

 “Oh... Okay.” I drew all my hair over one shoulder and twiddled my thumbs, averting my gaze from his. “Sorry for yelling earlier.”

 “I've dealt with much worse, Rey. 'Least you didn't chuck anything at my head.”

 “I would've if I had the strength,” I said jokingly.

He was still beaming at me but I could feel him looking right through me out the window. His expression looked stiffer, like he was restraining himself, and his eyes seemed darker. My smile began to fade and the silence encroached on us again.

Then Ben stirred, like he was waking from a daydream, and rose from his chair. “Your mama used to like hurling things at me. Whatever she could find, usually—papers, rocks, sticks, the occasional pencil.” He organized things on my nightstand. “We got on great, Scarlett and I.”

Mom had been friends with Ben before dad moved to Esperance. I wasn't totally naive. I knew he'd been attracted to my mother and I assumed he was pretty upset when dad ended up marrying her.

They would talk on the phone a lot, more so when I was younger. Ben was a mediator between my parents: dad would vent to him about mom and mom would do the same. But when she started getting sick, she lost interest in talking to him. That was when she started sitting at her desk flipping through old pictures, shutting herself out from the rest of us.

But neither of my parents ever told me much about Ben. All I knew was that he had grown up poor in Esperance with two very nice people as parents. No siblings or other family.

 “Mom told me a couple of the things you two did,” I said. “Was she the troublemaker, or were you?”

Ben glanced at me and away again, smirking. “That's private information, Miss Kenobi.”

 “Oh, come on. I'm bored out of my mind and I like hearing about how mom was a bad kid.” An idea struck me. “If you talk to me, I'll talk to you in therapy. Even though I don't need it.”

 “Therapy is good for the soul. It heals.”

 “Yeah, whatever.” I hunkered down in bed, shivering with excitement. “Tell me about the time you set a bunch of kittens and puppies loose in the elementary school.”

He laughed as he took his seat again, shaking his head. “That was your mother's idea, like most of our pranks were. We found them all shiverin' in a box on the side of the road and she was worried they'd all get put down, which was as simple as drowning them in the river back then. So she took matters into her own hands and let 'em loose in the school. All of them were adopted.”

 “Really? I thought she just told me that for my benefit.”

 “Nope, all the kids' parents had to take them in. 'Course, your mom wanted them all for herself, but she knew her parents would never agree to it.”

We chatted for a while about other stuff my mother had pressured Ben into doing and as he went on, I started to wish I'd inherited her rebellious streak. Maybe it was just because I grew up in different circumstances with my mom being sick most of my life, which forced me to grow up faster. Now I had to take care of dad and Rian so there wasn't much room to act like an idiot.

Mom had been a gentle person, though. As she got older she got softer, maybe from being sick, and my little brother reminded me a lot of her. But it was disappointing that I never got to see her other side come out. It was only in small snippets, usually when dad wasn't around.

I drifted off around ten 'o clock and Ben was nodding off in his chair. Right before I fell into a deep sleep I heard the door open and light spilled inside.

 “Mr. Solo, could I speak with you?”

The chair moved and Ben yawned as he shuffled over to the door. I peeked out of one eye to watch him talk to the pretty blonde nurse at the door. He leaned on it, scratching his stubble.

 “Rey is feeling fine,” he said tiredly. “I'll let you know if anything changes.”

 “It's not her, Mr. Solo.” The nurse paused and lowered her voice. “One of the girls didn't make it.”


	16. Chapter 16

Rose had lost the battle with her illnesses and passed away with her family around her bed.

She went quietly, or so the doctor said. She rattled off all the things that had happened to Rose and how it was unlikely she ever would have survived, but I still couldn't believe it. She had only been conscious for a few short hours. Her parents and three siblings hardly had time to say goodbye.

We would never get to know one another—and she would never be able to heal with the rest of us. But I envied her a little, because she was free from the turmoil and agony. Her soul was at rest and her weakened, emaciated body was left behind to suffer with the rest of us. They covered her with a blanket and wheeled her body to the morgue.

I met her family briefly. Her parents thanked me a lot and her younger siblings all stared at the ground, maybe not comprehending what had happened. I held back my tears, sitting in a wheelchair in her empty room with Ben standing behind me. He put a hand on my shoulder.

All was quiet and still. I stayed there after they had left and asked Ben to leave as well, just to be in the darkness by myself and let the tears fall. It smelled like death. I could feel it clinging to the walls. I could feel it in tendrils along my scalp; the fog preventing me from remembering everything.

Naomi and Haley paid their respects as well. Naomi had crutches that she tried not to lean on, trying to be tough, and Haley had her arm in a sling. The doctors had been able to save it but weren't sure it she'd ever be able to use it to full capacity again. Both looked a bit healthier, save for the gloom in their eyes. 

They returned to their rooms to be with their families, and Rose was gone with little fanfare. Being reunited with the other two girls had been an awkward experience, dulled by our traumas and desire to be with the people we loved. We would catch up sooner or later.

Before I was discharged a couple of days later I got both of their numbers. Naomi was moving up north to Maine to get out of dreary Louisiana, but Haley was staying behind with me. Neither of her parents could afford to leave their jobs and she was determined not to look like she was fleeing.

I left the hospital on a balmy spring afternoon, precisely after seven months of imprisonment. Dad helped me into the car, clearly concerned I was going to shatter into a million pieces, and I found my little brother sitting in the backseat, squirming excitedly.

 “Rey!” he crowed, leaping across the SUV to strangle me in a hug.

Between spluttering for air I laughed and returned the embrace fiercely, elated to finally see Rian again. He looked a little bigger and his hair was longer. I'd have to cut it.

Our father brought us to a fast food place, one of the things I'd been seriously craving. I practically sprinted inside and had to slouch against the wall when I was there, surrounded by the delicious, unhealthy aroma of french fries and grease. Dad chastised me when he got inside with Rian and insisted on helping me up to the front counter, eliciting a judgmental look from the server.

It was one of the things that helped me feel at home again. Seeing dad and Rian was a boon to my recovery but laughing with them in a booth while I shoveled french fries down my throat was even more 'normal'. We caught up fast on their lives. I savored each bite and—

 “Shouldn't all of you be home?”

Ice down my spine.

_“THIS ISN'T HOW IT WORKS, REYBEE!”_

Ben slid into the booth next to me and I felt... _Pain_. He smiled at dad and Rian as they continued chattering and casually extended an arm over the back of our booth.

It was suffocating. I didn't know why, but it got hard to breathe. I coughed up some half-eaten fries back into the empty cup and shivered as my nerves tingled along my back. No one seemed to notice my weird reaction—all were beaming and chatting while I had a small episode.

 “Ben is going to get you tomorrow around five, Rey. His last patient will be long gone by then.”

Tunnel vision, tunnel hearing; everything was filtering to me through a sieve. It was a vortex of muddled recollections. I couldn't pierce it. I couldn't make my brain give me back lost memories.

I swallowed, smiling. “Okay, that's fine. Um, I need to use the restroom.”

The arm slid off the back of the booth and around my shoulders and the cold discomfort got worse. Ben was touching my shoulder with all five fingers, squeezing a bit too tight.

 “Do you feel sick?” he asked.

 “Are you going to faint?!” Dad's voice was more frantic than his friend's. “Shit, maybe this was too much too soon. Do you want me to bring you home?”

I shrugged out of Ben's grasp, still keeping a strained smile on my mouth. My heart was pounding and my head was in centrifugal motion. I'd experienced it before. It was the same reaction I had every time Kylo walked into my prison cell.

 “Excuse me,” I said. “I'm okay, I just need a minute.”

They reluctantly let me go and it took all of my strength not to run.

I slammed the bathroom door shut and twisted the lock just before a strangled scream clawed out of my throat. It hurt and I'd never experienced anything like it. Every nerve in me was alive and on fire and I was yanking on my hair, trying not to smash the mirror in the bathroom. I wanted to break something. I felt like I was going to _explode_.

 “Rey, open the door!”

Tears were pouring down my cheeks but I wasn't crying. I sank down to the floor, squatting just above it with my fingers tangled in my hair.

 “I'm fine,” I called back to my father. “I just... I just need a minute!”

There was muttering outside and the jangle of keys. The fog was swirling, trying to dispel, but every time it came close my head would throb. I squeezed my eyes shut and shrieked again as voices and sensations came raging back into my head, tormenting me.

_Pushing me down... Clinking of handcuffs... “Don't disappoint me, Reybee.” How does he know my nickname? Why does he want me so badly? I am crying and the tears suddenly stop and don't come back again... I feel like I'm withering..._

The door opened and the rest became a blur. Hands reached for me and I lashed out, trapped and afraid. But they weren't going to let me sit on the floor and grabbed under my armpits to drag me out of the bathroom into the small hallway. A small crowd had gathered to watch.

Dad was nowhere to be seen. I was in a full panic attack, fighting Ben every step of the way as he forced me down on my stomach. He put a knee on my back to keep me in place and rummaged around in his pockets while I flailed and screamed.

 “Tell Keith—her father—I'm giving her xylazine,” he said. “Not much, just enough to make her calm down.” He laughed under his breath, a totally inappropriate reaction. “Knew this would happen. Thankfully, I'm fully prepared for you, Rey.”

He twisted my arm over my back and I felt a prick in my upper arm. My eyes widened but I couldn't speak; I was far too hysterical to form words. I thrashed as the needle pulled back and Ben returned it to his pockets, yanking me up off the floor and to my feet. He still kept my arms twisted behind me and let me face the end of the dingy hall.

I was slack. I didn't even want to stand. I fought back more tears.

 “What's happening to me?” I whispered, thoroughly humiliated.

Ben was very close behind me. I could feel heat emanating from him. His grasp trembled slightly, like he was strained from holding me down. That didn't make much sense—he was really athletic.

 “You're going to fall asleep soon,” he said. “It won't be for long. Just relax.” His breath was on my ear. “Let it happen.”

The drug was surprisingly potent. Ben scooped me in his arms when my legs wobbled more than normal and on our way out the door, I passed out with my head on his shoulder.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH ben is like 34? he's a few years younger than rey's parents

A splitting headache woke me up in an unfamiliar bed in a room that I also didn't recognize. I grimaced as I pushed myself up on one elbow and squeezed my eyes shut, trying in vain to blink away the throbbing pain. The sensation wasn't foreign to me—it was strongly reminiscent of when I woke up in my prison after Kylo injected me with some other knockout medicine.

The sheets were gray and soft and the bed itself was impressive, framed by wrought iron posts on an four sides. It felt like a safe place—the walls were an off shade of white and there was minimal furniture throughout the room. Nightstands stood on either side of the bed, a large armoire was across from me, and there were two doors leading out. The carpet was a sandy color and there were pictures of sea life and boats hung along the walls. It felt like a hotel.

Instinct told me to look for my phone but I hadn't had one of them in quite a while. Disoriented, I looked to one of the nightstands to see three orange pills, probably ibuprofen, and a glass of water waiting there. I narrowed my eyes and ignored it. They could be laced with something.

The fear came creeping back. What if Kylo had found me like he said he would? What if I was where he planned to bring me: in his house? It trickled down my spine like ice water and my headache dissipated somewhat, pushed back by my looming dread. Had I been recaptured?

Before I could fly into a full-scale panic, there was a soft knock on the door.

 “Rey? Are you awake?”

 _Ben?_ I blinked in surprise and my terror switched gears to humiliation. Dammit. I'd forgotten about my episode at dinner and it was coming back to me in snippets. Memories trickled through my brain instead of coming back in a moment of clarity. It was like something was damming the torrent.

 “Uh... yeah,” I called. I threw the pills in my mouth and downed them with the glass of water. “I'm awake; you can come in.”

And as he entered the room, I realized with greater fear than before that I was in only one possible place: a mental hospital. It was the only logical conclusion my muddled mind could make.

I almost spat up the pills. “Am I where I think I am?!”

Ben was wearing a white lab coat that came down to his waist. It was similar to what doctors wore. He frowned as he shut the door behind him, dressed up in his khakis and a sweater with his hair neatly parted and glasses on his nose. He had pens in his coat's breast pocket.

 “That depends,” he said. “Where do you think you are?”

 “The goddamn loony bin!” I threw back the sheets, fuming mad. “Did dad put you up to this? I am not staying here and if you try to stick me another needle—“

He took of his glasses in a smooth motion and tucked them into his pocket. His smile didn't fit the situation. “Relax, Rey, you're not in the hospital. This is my house.”

I paused while getting up to stare at him, somehow more perplexed than before. What the hell was I doing in his house? Dad had to be losing his mind. He had to be hanging around waiting for me to wake up to take me home.

But when I switched my gaze back to my legs, willing them to support my weight, I noticed I was wearing one of my ratty, baggy t-shirts and pajama pants. The clothes I'd worn out to lunch were nowhere to be seen. That had disturbing implications.

 “How did I get in these?” I demanded, tugging on my shirt.

Ben leaned against the door. “A female nurse put you in them while you were unconscious. It took a lot of called-in favors to keep you out of the hospital.”

 “Why? Who wanted me there?”

 “None of us. It's a pisspoor environment for you.” He folded his arms, shrugging. “But I needed to bring you, considering I injected you with a hefty dose of xylazine. And that isn't exactly a common drug so it raised some questions, primarily why I thought I needed to use it.”

The mention of it made my arm sting. I rubbed it grudgingly.

 “So now what?” I asked.

Ben raised his eyebrows and heaved a sigh. “Well, the doctors think you may be a risk to yourself or others. Normally that warrants suicide watch, which is a miserable experience.”

My pulse quickened. Suicide watch? I wasn't going to try to kill myself! Sure I was a tiny bit unstable at the moment but that didn't mean I needed supervision like a child.

 “But,” Ben continued, “I'm familiar with almost everyone at the hospital, and they trust my abilities. Your father and I discussed it and Janine—the pretty woman who took care of you—agreed with us. Being home with your dad and brother might be a stressor, and I'm certain you're unraveling even now. It's safer for you to stay here for a little while.”

I blinked back at him stupidly. Stay... here?

Then I laughed in a nervous way, trying to call his bluff. “That's not really funny.”

He was emotionless like stone. “I'm not joking. You need constant supervision, your father works, and none of us want Brian to see you have an episode. You can still see them.”

That was it—my imprisonment would never end. In one capacity or another, I would always be under another person's thumb, hoping they weren't going to crush me. It was a painful loss of my freedom for the second time and before I registered what I was doing I had thrown the empty glass at the wall across from me. It shattered with a satisfying crunch and the shards fell in a glittering pile.

 “I want to go home!” I howled, curling forward to clutch the back of my head. I fisted my hair and yanked until I felt it popping out of my scalp. “I just want to go home!”

 “Don't fixate on 'home,' Rey. You are home. You can see your family whenever you want and I will give you plenty of privacy. You have nothing to fear.”

 “Nothing's ever going to be the same,” I spat. I was trembling. “I want it back to how it was.”

The room fell silent. I hunched farther forward, shielding my face with my hair, and tried to steady my breathing to hold back the tears. It wasn't right. I was supposed to recover quickly, go back to my job, and everything was going to be normal. I'd pick up Brian from school like always and become good friends with the other girls I'd escaped with.

The bed shifted beside me. It was too close for comfort but I didn't dare budge. I needed to learn how to control myself. I couldn't jump at everything that spooked me.

 “It will be,” Ben said softly, “but I need you to trust me.”

I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. “ _How_? Everyone thinks I'm crazy now.”

 “No one thinks you're crazy, and I want you to stop using that word. It isn't fair to yourself or to the other girls, who are suffering from the same symptoms. You have survived extreme trauma. Recovery will be a long road and no one expected you to come back the same. Your father was very ready for the likelihood that you would have emotional problems.”

Somewhere inside I knew Ben was right but I still didn't want to admit it to myself. I kept looking at the floor, trying to make sense of everything. If I didn't get help then I was letting Kylo win. I was lying down and letting him walk all over me. He only lost if I recovered and carried on my life.

I nodded and heaved a sigh. “Okay. I guess I can try.”

 “Good.” He hesitated before touching my back with the tips of his fingers, like he was nervous about it. “Why don't you take a shower while I clean up the glass, hm? I'll make lunch.”

The new situation was weird—a paradigm shift. I stood up and smoothed down my tear-stained shirt, still avoiding looking Ben in the eyes.

 “I can make something,” I said. “I don't want to be an imposition.”

The way he got up from the bed felt... familiar. He put his hands in the pockets of his lab coat and smiled at me but it didn't quite touch his eyes. It was an unnerving sight.

 “Don't be silly, Rey,” he said. “What kind of host would I be if I let you cook for me?”

Something told me not to push the subject. Contrite, I nodded and scurried off to the bathroom attached to my bedroom, plagued by the sensation of bugs just underneath the surface of my skin.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> damian.......... it's all for u

Though I had worried the quiet in Ben's house would make my inner thoughts even worse, it had the opposite effect. It wasn't a huge place and I had gone on a tour to visit every nook and cranny to acquaint myself with the space. It was a tolerable size. I didn't worry about Kylo hiding anywhere, and I knew dad and Rian wouldn't be implicated if he did show up.

We had lunch and he left me to my own devices to see his other patients for the rest of the day. I was tentative at first, especially being a live-in patient, but he insist I make myself comfortable and learn where everything was oriented. So I tiptoed through the small house with my eyes shifting warily about. Part of me was waiting for Kylo to appear.

The house was sparsely decorated. Pictures hung from the walls that looked like they'd been purchased at a big box store and had no sentimentality. Everything was neat and orderly. There were no traces of any family lingering, whether it be pictures or memorabilia on the mantel. Ben was practically palatial in every corner of the house.

Curiosity got the better of me later in the afternoon. I ascended the stairs back to the second level where the three bedrooms were and headed toward the one at the end of the hall. Mine was along the way, as was the guest bedroom, so I assumed Ben's was the last one. I clasped my hands behind my back as I walked and paused before the door, nervous. What if he came back?

My fears was unfounded—the door wouldn't open. Disappointed, I tried a couple of times before giving up and felt a sense of shame wash over me. What was wrong with me, trying to break into his bedroom? Of course he locked it; he wanted his private life to remain private.

The prickle up then ape of my neck came back like a cold fingertip tracing my skin. It made me uncomfortable being in the vicinity of his bedroom. _Extremely_ uncomfortable. I rubbed the sensation away and backed up from the door before turning on my heel a few feet away and skittering off back downstairs. My head was pounding.

There wasn't much else to do inside. The basement was finished, bright and airy with pastel green walls and new furniture. It had a kitchen and bathroom of its own; probably an extra room for guests or Ben's parents. I poked around for a half hour and went back to the living room, getting very bored.

And as the time ticked by I began to wonder why on earth I was being forced to live with Ben. He was supposed to be watching me to handle any other episodes I might suffer but couldn't do it 24/7. I swung my feet back and forth over the arm of his big leather couch, staring up at the ceiling and tracing patterns of cracks through it. Maybe it would've been better for me to go to an institution.

Crunching in the front door roused my attention and I jerked upright at the jangle of keys. My heart gave a little jump—finally! If I spent another minute twiddling my thumbs I was going to lose it.

I hopped to my feet as the door creaked open and my new caretaker sidled inside carrying a lot of shopping bags. He was struggling a bit but beamed when I came over and took as many as I could, setting them down before the fireplace as he went back outside to get more.

It was a gorgeous day. I was on the threshold of the front door, toes curling over the cold metal, hands grasping the frame. The air was sweet in my lungs and the sun warm on my skin. I closed my eyes and drew a deep breath, leaning forward into the sweet embrace of freedom.

 “Not too far, Rey.”

A shadow had eclipsed me and I opened my eyes to see Ben standing not a foot in front of me with more bags in his arms. He was smiling, politely blocking my path.

I smiled back and withdrew into his house, gazing anxiously past him as the door shut and the locks clicked. My imprisonment seemed to have no end.

Ben set the remainder of his haul down with the others and put his hands on his hips. “My apologies for taking so long to come home. Miss Pember—my secretary, with the pretty blonde bob—accompanied me out to do a bit of shopping.” He gestured at the piles of bags. “'Course, I haven't got the faintest idea of what teenage girls want but she had more than a few ideas.”

 “Oh,” I said. “You have nieces? Or is it someone else?”

He tilted his head and broke into a grin. “C'mon, Rey; don't be obtuse. It's all for you."

The words took a minute to sink it. I blinked back at Ben, dumbfounded and convinced I'd heard him wrong. He'd... bought me presents? Why?

 “Did my dad put you up to this?” I asked shrewdly.

 “No ma'am.” Ben walked out toward the kitchen, rolling up his sleeves. “Consider it a form of therapy. New things, new life. Out with the old, as they say.”

The fridge clinked open and I stared in the direction of the noise, still immobile. My experience had made me a much more suspicious person and I wasn't going to blindly accept Ben's generosity. People always had ulterior motives.

 “It's too much,” I said. “I really can't take it.”

Ben returned from the kitchen with a beer and sat on the arm of the couch. He took a sip and reached up to loosen his tie, raising an eyebrow at me.

 “They're gifts,” he said. “It's nice to be able to get them for someone who needs them. Why don't you at least look at a couple of the things, hm? Then we can render judgment.”

I rubbed the back of my head and eyed the bags. Admittedly, it was a nice gesture, and a girl could always use new clothes. Dad didn't have a lot of money to help me out in that department and neither did I. Everything went to caring for Rian and paying the bills.

So I crossed my legs on the soft carpet and began picking through the bags while Ben watched from the couch. He took another sip of his beer when the phone rang from the kitchen, and he rose from his seat to leave me to my own devices on the floor.

It was boxes upon boxes of different clothes: undergarments (some a bit too suggestive), t-shirts, dress shirts, dress pants, actual dresses, jeans, socks; there was no end. I glanced out into the kitchen to see Ben laughing while he talked on the phone, turning in circles and drinking his beer. He caught my eye and winked before turning away again.

There I was on his floor with empty bags strewn about and clothes piled neatly on his couch. It was overwhelming. My heart pounded at the thought of thanking him—I'd probably stutter and look like a jackass. I ran a hand through my hair, clammy palms catching on the frizzy mess. Shit. It was way too much stuff. Even dad would put his foot down.

 “That was Miss Pember,” Ben said as he sauntered back into the living room. His beer was gone and he'd taken his tie off completely. “She wanted to know if you liked your things.”

My lips were sealed shut but I managed a spastic nod. Could I even refuse them?

His brown eyes brightened. “Good, good, I'm glad. I'll help you take them upstairs and bring the bags out to the trash. Anything in particular you'd like for dinner?”

I shrugged helplessly. Anything but sushi.

 “It's no big deal, Rey,” Ben said. “Try not to dwell on this too much. I want you to be comfortable while you stay here.”

We gathered my new things and he left me in my room to put them away so he could deal with the garbage and starting dinner. I silently went about the task, feeling oddly nostalgic. He had a soft way of talking that should've put me at ease. I found it unnerving.

As I folded the clothes neatly and continued to marvel at them, I remembered my dad hadn't called me or stopped in to visit. That was weird—he swore he wasn't going to leave me alone ever again, and dad didn't take that kind of promise lightly. My chest ached at the thought of frightening him or Rian and I held back tears as I carried on my task. Maybe space was better for a while.

Ben came back for me almost an hour later with dinner ready on the table. Thankfully it was simple: spaghetti, salad, and Italian bread, all palatable things I had missed during my captivity.

Dinner was quiet—uncomfortably so. There was no pressure to chat and Ben didn't seem concerned by the silence but I was used to a fair amount of noise. I kept stuffing food in my mouth to clear my plate, even when it started making me nauseous. I didn't want to look ungrateful.

The dishes went into the dishwasher and I stood by with my hands clasped before me, awkward and out of place in Ben's home. I'd grown up with him as a near constant in my life but for whatever reason being around him, just the two of us, was weird. There was no dad or Rian or mom to buffer.

Ben stood up straight and turned a megawatt smile on me. “Now then, Rey... Do you think you're ready to talk to me?”

All at once my palms were pouring sweat. I wrung my fingers and averted my eyes to the floor. No, I didn't want to talk to anyone. But that was the first step towards recovery.

Would I ever really feel better? Would I stop seeing darkness in every man I looked at and secretly fearing them? I didn't know what the long term ramifications would be with myself and my family or how long the concussion would shroud the truth and dull the pain. One day, it would be gone, and I would be left to deal with the aftermath on my own.

 “Rey.”

I looked up and wasn't surprised to see Ben's smile had become smaller and softer. He felt more approachable with his tie and shoes off but I could still sense him judging me. Everyone did it. He was going to pick me apart just like he did to all his other patients.

He extended a hand to me, lean fingers curved slightly. Everything screamed _'please trust me'_ but everything inside of me said _'I can't risk that.'_ I blinked at him and clenched my jaw.

 “You won't say anything to dad, right?” I asked.

 “Of course not. Strictly confidential.”

Nothing was confidential in Esperance. But I had to suck it up and try—for dad and Rian. The faster I got home, the faster our routine went back to normal.

I nodded stiffly. “Fine. I'll talk.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw for rape
> 
> don't worry, her dad isn't far away................ hehehh
> 
> also this is practically done so i may just finish it today and post the epilogue in a few days

We went to the basement for our 'chat,' which felt a little more professional than sitting on Ben's couch. He brought a notepad and pen with him and put on his glasses once there, and I could see his body language and mood shift in an instant. His mouth was firmer and his shoulders more rigid—he was going to treat me the same as any other patient.

He was in an eggshell white lounge chair and I sat across from him on the big matching couch and slowly sank into the cushions. It was quiet and still as Ben scribbled things down in his notepad without saying a word to me. The color palette reminded me of mom's hospital room.

 “So, Rey,” Ben said suddenly, not looking up at me, “what would you like to talk about first?”

My palms were unbelievably sweaty. I wiped them on my jeans and shrugged, trying to play it cool. Why was I so nervous? It wasn't going to be a big deal.

Ben waited a few minutes for me to reply. He had his head tilted slightly but wasn't smiling or showing any signs of encouragement. His brown eyes were boring through me, willing me to speak about _something_. But where did I begin?

He shifted and gestured vaguely into space. “We can talk about whatever you like. It doesn't have to concern your imprisonment—perhaps your mother, school, work, ah... _boys_.”

 “You know I don't see any guys. I'm too busy raising my brother and my father.”

The words tasted bad as they came out of my mouth. Embarrassed, I glanced away at the floor and rubbed my mouth with the edge of my index finger. Rude, Rey. Very rude.

 “Do you resent having to take on the role of a caregiver?” Ben asked. “A maternal role?”

 “I don't resent it,” I muttered. My pulse was pounding and the words wouldn't stop. “It sucks sometimes, having to do all that, but I want my dad and Rian to be happy.”

 “At what cost?”

Hackles raised; I scowled at Ben.

 “No cost,” I snapped back, “because they're my family and I love them.”

He raised an eyebrow at me over the rim of his glasses. “No cost? What about your youth? Freedom? Personal growth? Femininity? Or even your self identity?”

 “I haven't sacrificed anything of great importance for them. They aren't a burden to me.”

Ben wrote a couple of things down and nodded.

 “Okay,” he said. “On to the next question, then. Why don't you tell me about your goals?”

It went on like that for a while. Ben would ask something that would annoy me and I'd get defensive and blow him off. But he never looked impatient or pushed me too much—he'd back off and move onto the next thing, or let us lapse into silence.

When we were quiet for a particularly long amount of time I got up from the chair in a stiff movement and headed out of the basement. I was having second thoughts about talking to Ben.

Thankfully, he didn't follow after me. I went up to my bedroom, clenching my jaw to hold back my irritation, and flopped down on my bed once there. It was deathly quiet in the house, like always. The only sound was the rustling sheets as I crawled underneath them.

And I lay there for what felt like an eternity. It was warm in my little cocoon and all I heard was the laughter from a TV show drifting up the stairs. I stared into the darkness and wished for the thousandth time that it would all be over and I could go home to normalcy again. I missed dad and Rian more than anything.

Tears were streaming down my cheeks soon after I ventured into thinking about my father and brother. I hurriedly wiped them into my pillow, determined to never cry again. I couldn't let Kylo win. I had to be strong, even if it felt like—

 “Are you okay, Rey?”

I flew up in bed, surprised despite knowing it _had_ to be Ben. He was standing just outside my bedroom with his hands in his pockets and a small smile on his mouth. He'd changed into grey sweapants and a maroon t-shirt with 'HARVARD' in yellow lettering across the front.

 “I'm fine,” I said, wiping my eyes. “Just tired today.”

 “Can I come in?”

 “Um... Sure. It's your house.”

He laughed and sat near my feet. “I'm not that territorial. What's mine is yours.”

Rain began pattering on the windows. I smiled back at Ben and crossed my fingers that he couldn't see my eyes were puffy and red. The room was probably dark enough."

His smiled faded a little. “I hope you can talk to me someday, Rey. It hurts me to see you in pain.”

For some reason, I gave an involuntary shiver.

 “I just want to go home,” I mumbled. “I miss being there."

 “I know.” Ben grasped my ankle, squeezing gently. “But that's not the best thing for you right now. You don't want to risk scaring Rian or having an episode when you're home alone.”

He had a way of saying bad things that made them seem less shitty than they really were. It had to be a psychiatrist thing. Were they all smooth-talkers?

I shrugged and rubbed my eyes in agreement and Ben kept his fingers wrapped around my ankle. His palm felt hot and he was still staring at me. My spine prickled nervously; my stomach fluttered. I'd only felt so weird a couple of times in my life. Romance was rare in Esperance.

Perturbed, I shoved it away and pulled my leg free of his hand. But my heart was thrumming and I could feel heat creeping into my cheeks. Shit—I was really unstable. It was _Ben_. He'd held me when I was born and given me baths. What was wrong with me?

Mouth dry, I cleared my throat. “So has my dad called?”

 “Yes, he did earlier.” Ben crossed his arms, shrugging indifferently. “I told him you're doing fine but it's better you two don't talk for a little while.”

 “Why?”

 “Because it's going to make being away from him that much harder.”

True enough. I rested my chin on my knees and closed my eyes. I'd go home sooner or later. I needed some fresh air—that would clear all the stupid thoughts out of my head.

It was quiet again for a while before Ben rose from the bed. I peeked up at him as he reached into his pocket, fishing around for something. There was rattling and I perked up more at the sound.

 “I'm worried you'll have a hard time sleeping,” he said. “Try taking these tonight. It should help.”

He popped open an orange medicine bottle and dropped two blue pills on my nightstand. Surprised, I blinked up at him as he casually returned the bottle to his pocket.

 “Don't... don't I need a prescription?” I asked meekly.

Ben tilted his head and smiled at me, and I felt a weird sense of deja vu.

 “It's safe,” he said. “I didn't suffer eight years of med school for no reason.”

 “Oh. Right. Sorry.”

He left the room without saying anything else and I stared at the door after him. I played with the edge of my comforter, confused and alone, and glanced at the pills on the nightstand.

What could it hurt? Ben _was_ a doctor, after all. I could just pop them and sleep like a baby through the night. Maybe he had something else that would help get rid of the weird paranoia in the back of my head. Or maybe that was for when the fog around my memories lifted.

I hesitated again before swiping the pills off the table and popping them in my mouth. I'd grown accustomed to swallowing unpleasant things and they went down smoothly. I took a deep, steadying breath and wriggled underneath my sheets again to let sleep overcome me.

Heaviness set in after a while... and my mind slowed down...

I was abruptly stricken with an urge to get out of bed. Woozy, I clawed at my sheets to find a way out, not really bothered that my muscles weren't agreeing with me. I got to the edge of the bed and slipped out onto the floor with a soft thud, only managing a grunt from the impact.

The room was swimming but I didn't feel afraid. I pushed myself up, arms shaking from the strain, and continued trying to crawl out of the room. I was... lonely. Tired. I didn't want to be alone in the dark anymore. I'd done that for far too long...

 “What have we here?”

I slowly raised my eyes, too weak to move my head, to see Ben standing over me with his hands in his pockets. He was giving me the same patronizing look as always and everything in me screamed that I needed to run away. But I just lay there, slack-jawed and stupefied by the pills. It was a strange war between what my gut was saying and what my heart believed.

He crouched down in front of me and brushed my hair away from my face. He was smiling but it was strained. His fingers felt familiar.

 “Why don't we get you back into bed, Reybee?”

His voice was like ice in my veins and I suddenly couldn't breathe. I knew that voice. I would never forget it as long as I lived. Deep and melancholy... Kylo.

Ben picked me up, hooking his arm under my knees and under my neck. I couldn't feel much. My head lolled to the side when he placed me back in bed and I watched him helplessly as he shut the curtains on the window over the headboard.

 “Relax,” he murmured. “I'm not going to hurt you.”

And to my great surprise, he turned to leave the room again. I stared after him, utterly shocked, and fear prickled through me. I didn't want to be alone in the dark.

All I could do was whimper loudly and hope he heard me. I tried to sit up or throw something to catch his attention before he left and managed to knock a book on the nightstand onto the floor. Ben paused in the doorway and turned to look at me. His brown eyes were bright.

 “Something wrong, Rey?” His voice had switched back to Southern twang. “I think you'll be okay. You'll sleep pretty well tonight.”

I just stared at him with tears welling in my eyes. _Please don't leave me here by myself._ I felt paranoid—my scalp was tingling and my thoughts were spinning. _Please don't leave me._

Ben smiled widely, somehow knowing what I was screaming in my head. He slipped away from the doorway and came back to my bedside, once again brushing my hair from my face. My heart thundered. The room was wavy.

 “Do you want me to stay?” he murmured.

I managed a small nod. _Please._

He twisted his mouth like he was thinking deeply. “I'm not sure if that's appropriate.” He sighed, eyeing me with what seemed like contempt. “But it wouldn't be fair to leave you here alone in this state. Just don't mention this to your father.”

It was all slipping through my memory like an oil slick. The drugs Kylo gave me had caused a similar effect, but I was too forgone to make the connection. Emotion came and went as Ben circled to the other side of the bed and slipped beneath the covers without exposing me to the cold. I was terrified of being alone; certain that Kylo would appear out of nowhere and drag me back to hell.

I groped blindly for Ben as the pills finally seemed to do their work. My mind spun and I felt his lips on my neck as he moved closer, arms sliding around my waist to bring me against him. I blinked slowly in surprise, but Ben murmured to me when I tried to slip away from him and my limbs turned to lead. Time slithered by.

 “Don’t be afraid,” he whispered. “Relax.”

His fingertips felt like hot coals on my skin. He tugged down the pajama pants he bought for me and I struggled underneath his weight as he rolled on top of me to keep me in place. Panic and fear buzzed in my head but my body wouldn’t react and my brain wasn’t having it. It was trying to protect me like it did whenever Kylo appeared in my room and forced himself on me; fighting to make me float out of my body.

Plastic crinkled. “Can’t risk you getting pregnant, now can we?” There was a moment of quiet before he abruptly pushed inside me with a low groan. “Good girl. It’s been too fucking long. Did you miss my cock, Reybee?”

I shuddered, fighting to keep my eyes open, shifting with each thrust. He panted in my ear and the bed creaked, but it was otherwise dead silent in the house. My hands hung limp at my sides and I gazed off into space as the darkness crept in on my periphery, sinking my mind into unconsciousness with Ben still on top of me and still inside me. Light danced under my eyelids and I heard him start crying.

 “Scarlett… I’m so sorry…”


	20. Chapter 20

It wasn't an anomaly for me to wake up covered in sweat now—it was to be expected. So when I came to lying in a pool of my own cooled body fluids I didn't think much of it. I slowly sat up in bed and peeled off my clothes, dropping them into a wet pile beside the bed. At least I'd slept through most of the night. That was a blessing in and of itself.

I stepped out of bed mostly naked, ears ringing and heart pounding. My tongue felt dry and thick in my mouth. I'd grown pretty accustomed to that feeling after taking so many different kinds of drugs from Kylo. I rubbed my eyes with the backs of my hands and opened up my dresser to see what I would wear downstairs. Ben was probably already awake.

The thought quickened my pulse. Shit. Seeing him was probably going to be awkward. I couldn't remember if he'd stayed the whole night but as regret rose hot in my throat like puke, I really hoped he hadn't. I picked out a new pair of pajamas and headed downstairs.

The first thing I picked up was the smell of breakfast, but the second was much more exciting. It was a familiar voice, one I was worried I wouldn't hear again for a long time.

Elated, I ran out into the kitchen and had my dad in a hug that more closely resembled a headlock. He staggered to his feet and laughed as I squeezed harder, a little afraid to let him go. He smelled like coffee and aftershave. Not the best combination but it smelled like home.

 “Hey, Rey,” he said, turning in my grasp to embrace me. “I missed you.”

He was in his sheriff's uniform so I assumed he stopped by just to see me on some down time. Thankfully he looked well-rested: I hoped Rian wasn't giving him much trouble.

 “I missed you more,” I said, smiling and holding back tears. “How are things? Is Rian being good?”

 “Sit, Rey. You should eat something before you start the inquiry.”

Ben was standing by the stove in a new black t-shirt and grey sweatpants. His black hair was parted to the side but he looked extremely tired. His smile was tight.

Dad patted my back. “He's right. Sit with me, sweetheart—I need to talk to you.”

I hopped up into a chair and did my best to ignore Ben. There was a pile of bacon already waiting on the table but I could smell eggs, too. My stomach growled impatiently.

 “The man who kidnapped you... He took another girl last night.” Dad dropped his eyes to his cup of coffee and his smile faded. “Tiffany Edwards. She's only fourteen.”

In the blink of an eye I had lost my appetite and felt like my heart plummeted through my stomach. I stared blankly at my father as fear rippled through me. It was when I realized that no one would ever catch him—and that he would eventually find me again.

Dad abruptly pushed himself away from the table and got up, rubbing his forehead. He turned his back to Ben and I and put his hands on his hips. “I'm not going to let another kid show up dead or half alive. I called in the big guns for this. The FBI is coming to help us find her.”

 “They'll find her sooner or later,” Ben said. He spooned scrambled eggs into a bowl and shrugged. “But who knows if they'll ever catch the perp.”

 “I'll find that son of a bitch myself,” dad snapped, spinning on his heel to glare at Ben. “And when I do find him, I'll make him wish he were dead.”

Silence crept across the kitchen. I looked down at my hands with tears in my eyes, oddly pervaded by a sense of guilt. Dad's shoes shuffled as he turned again and the chair scraped across the floor beside me. A warm, gentle hand settled on my back.

 “I'm sorry, sweetheart,” he said. “I just want you and everyone else to be safe.”

I nodded and tried to will the tears back into their ducts but they slid across my cheeks to the floor. My father moved closer to wrap his arms around me and the moment he did—

 _The man who appears in my bedroom to kidnap me has brown eyes; sharp and penetrating and_ angry _brown. Before I faint I see tufts of black hair underneath his mask and my mind makes the connection but the rest of me refuses to accept it. I push it down and ignore the truth because digesting it is impossible; it's like I've swallowed cold, hard steel and soon my insides will rupture—_

With a terrified gasp I tore free of my dad's embrace and tumbled backwards on the floor, slamming my head in the process. Both dad and Ben raced over to help me as the spiral worsened.

_The water is freezing cold and I pass out almost instantly upon falling in but the other girls are still conscious. Haley grabs me and looks up above us at Kylo, who is still screaming my name over the cliff's edge. She laughs under her breath: 'I'll never forget that face.'_

The fog wasn't clearing but at the very least I knew who I needed to talk to. I came from my episode, heaving for air, and my dad lifted my torso off the floor. Ben stood over us, scrutinizing me.

 “Are you okay?” dad asked, brushing my hair away from my face. He looked up at Ben. “We should bring her to the hospital to be sure. She hit her head pretty hard.”

 “I'm fine,” I said. I sat up on my own and rubbed my head. “Haley left the state, right? Where did she move to?” I tried to stand, single-minded on my task. “I remembered something I need to ask her about. Does the hospital have her phone number or new address?”

 “What could Haley possibly remember that you want to know?” Ben asked.

I got up and leaned on the counter, dazed. “I think she saw him before we jumped into the river. I remembered her saying she'd never forget his face. If she could come here and identify him—“

 “Highly doubtful,” Ben interjected. He seemed annoyed. “Her memory is as poor as yours. Let her move on from Esperance and what she suffered through. The FBI can find him.”

Dad shrugged. “I don't know, Ben, I think Rey has a point. Anything that will bring Tiffany home any faster is a good idea in my book.”

The radio on dad's belt suddenly crackled to life over a domestic disturbance. He sighed and kissed the top of my head, nodded to Ben, and headed out. The door shut and all of a sudden I was back to being alone with him in uncomfortable silence. He didn't say anything, just smiled and walked back to finish breakfast. I stared after my father longingly before getting back into my seat. He'd be back with the phone number and address.

When I was done eating I tried to slink out of the kitchen without saying anything more to Ben. Maybe he'd forgotten about the previous night. I'd go find a book to read and—

 “Where are you going, Rey?”

I turned slightly on my heel, casting him a sideways glance. “Up to my room.”

He was quiet for a minute but shuffled things around in the dishwasher. The longer I waited for him to speak again the more I felt like I had a hand around my throat.

Ben straightened up with an innocent look on his face. Not a single strand of his black hair was out of place but there was something amiss. “Contacting Haley isn't a good idea.”

 “Why?”

His brown eyes didn't wander off to lock on something else when he told me the bad news. They bored straight through me; icy spears riveting me to the kitchen doorway. He casually wiped his hands with a towel and I thought I saw him smile slightly. Immovable and cold as death.

 “Haley is no longer with us,” he said after a pause. “She committed suicide last night.”


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND I LEAVE U ON A CLIFFHANGER AHAHAHAHAHA

Ben left soon after breaking the news to me, and I was once again alone in my bedroom, staring at the wall. Darkness crept in but I didn’t move to turn on the lights. I was frozen to the bed by my grief and too exhausted to do anything about it. I was tired of feeling sad—tired of hearing about my friends dying. Tired of being stuck in a fog.

Dad hadn’t stopped back or called me about Haley, probably because he figured out that she was dead, too. I wondered if he would ever be able to look at me the same way again, or if he would always see me as a porcelain doll waiting to break. I was becoming hard to love.

Even Ben, who was a full-fledged psychiatrist, was sick of dealing with me and my problems. I stirred for the first time in what felt like hours, tears gathering in my eyes. All I did was cause problems for other people. I’d been a problem since I was stupid enough to get kidnapped and I was dragging everyone I loved down with me.

My chest tightened and I clenched my hands into fists. Was I going to keep sitting inside wasting away? Was there anything worth seeing on the outside?

I began to move before I realized it. It was mechanical, driven by my hopelessness and a deep, painful desire to disappear from the face of the planet. I put on a sweater over my pajamas and stepped into my slippers. I’d find a way to make myself vanish.

Fear wasn’t slowing me down. I trudged down the stairs and out into the cool night without a second thought and no flashlight. A full moon hung overhead, illuminating most of Ben’s lawn but still leaving ominous shadows around the tree line. His car was still parked in front of the garage and I wondered about it as I passed, shuffling towards the forest. Had someone picked him up?

Come to think of it, why was he out so late? The question bounced around in my head as I was slowly swallowed by the trees and crunching my way across the stiff grass. He liked to be in bed early most nights—not that I checked on him. The fog wavered as I grew more and more curious. Where the hell had Ben gone?

It was quiet. I hadn’t gone into the woods in a long time and had forgotten about the eerie stillness that settled across the trees. I crossed my arms over my chest and shivered, stepping over a fallen long. The lights from Ben’s house grew dim behind me as the foliage finally snuffed them out.

 “Where the hell am I going?” I muttered to myself.

It wasn't very cold out so I wouldn't be able to freeze to death. I'd have to hope a wild animal came upon me and killed me, or I slipped and broke my neck. I wasn't aiming to find either of those things but I wouldn't fight back if I happened on them. It was time for me to disappear.

No more pain, no more sorrow... Just peace and quiet.

I walked on through the underbrush, wandering deeper into the forest. The trees grew thicker overhead and blotted out the moonlight filtering through their leaves, turning the path before me pitch black. Branches snagged on my clothes and scratched my skin but I ignored it and continued on as the earth grew soggy, soaking into my slippers. A familiar sound reached me.

I stopped, sinking into the mud, and listened to running water up ahead. It was moving too fast to be a stream—had to be a river. Puzzled, I carried on, avoiding the deeper sections of mud, until the trees suddenly gave way to a weedy riverbank.

Frogs croaked along the shoreline, falling quiet as I stepped toward them. I frowned at the rushing water and looked all around, half expecting to see a cabin or someone out fishing. But I was utterly alone.

Giant rocks led a path across the river to the other side but they looked slippery. It would be a good place to accidentally slip and fall in. This time no one would fish me out of the water and I wouldn't wake up in a hospital bed. I stared at the water, turning the choice over in my head. It would be a cold and agonizing way to die. Maybe if I—

A twig snapped. “Rey?”

I spun around, hair standing on end and heart racing, to see Ben standing a few feet behind me. He was standing in the trees, shrouded in darkness; I could hardly see his face. I clutched my chest, trying to get a grip. Holy shit. Where did he come from?

 “Hey,” I faltered. “I was... going for a walk.”

 “I see.” He seemed to take a step back. “Why don't you follow me back home? You shouldn't be out here by yourself. It's dangerous.”

His voice sounded strange—stressed out, sort of.

 “What are you doing out here?” I asked.

 “Walking around. It's nice and quiet. Come on now, Reybee. Let's get going.”

It took me a split second longer to realize Ben's slip-up before he had. He slowly turned around to face me, brown eyes bright in the darkness. Cold terror seeped into my blood as the fog lifted.

Only two people ever called me Reybee—my mother, and...

Fear rooted me to the spot as Ben ran a gloved hand through his hair and laughed to himself. He sighed in defeat and razed me with his eyes again, knowing full well what it was doing to me. My mind was rapidly connecting the pieces, making up for the endless days of confusion and forgetting. It was mostly his eyes. How had I missed it?

Suddenly, he smiled. “I'm sorry,” he said. “I forgot that your captor called you that name. My apologies, Rey.”

 _What?_ My head spun trying to read his facial expression to gauge what he was thinking. Did he know that I had figured it out, or was he still trying to hide the truth? Fuck. Was he going to kill me?

I was so terrified that I thought I might vomit. I pulled down my sleeves to cover my sweaty palms and tried to contain my trembling. It was purely automatic. My body was reacting to his proximity. It knew better than me that being around him, Kylo, meant I was going to suffer.

_Ben is Kylo. Ben is Kylo. Ben is—_

 “Rey?” His eyes were wide and beguiling. “Are you feeling okay?”

 “S-sorry,” I managed. “I'm... tired?”

Fuck, I couldn't keep it together. Ben smiled again, peeling off his gloves, and motioned towards the way I had arrived.

 “Let's go home,” he said.

Every inch of me screamed to run in the other direction but he seemed too calm to suspect me of knowing. I followed after him through the woods, holding back vomit and stifling small shrieks that gurgled up into my throat. He was a few feet ahead of me, wearing all black.

Was running the best option? I looked around at the shadowy underbrush and swallowed hard. He'd catch me. I knew he would. I knew him better than he realized.

We walked for a while until we arrived back at the house. I stopped at the bottom of the stairs as Ben ascended them in clothes that weren't appropriate for a walk. He jangled his keys and turned when he noticed I wasn't behind him anymore. We stared at each other, unblinking.

 “I want to go home,” I said.

Ben turned back around and unlocked the door. His actions were slow; deliberate. I began to back away, slipping back out of my shoes. He knew. He absolutely knew.

 “Well that isn't fair,” he said, voice dripping with Southern twang. He turned to face me again, taking his black gloves out of his pocket and eyeing me with scorn.

 “Dad... wanted...”

He pulled the gloves on, raising his eyebrows. “You have nowhere else to go, Reybee.” The twang fell away and a familiar cold baritone came through. “This is your home now.”


	22. Chapter 22

I couldn't speak.

It was like ice water had washed over me and rooted me to the spot. My thoughts weren't moving any more, my mouth was frozen shut; I was a sculpture of terror. The wind blew around me and ruffled my hair and raised goosebumps but I was otherwise utterly immobile. Even fear couldn't move me—that self-preservation was working against me, leaving me too frightened to move an inch.

I stared into the brown eyes of torture and death and they stared back into me. Burning. But his smile was icy and chilled me to the bone.

Ben pursed his lips; raised an eyebrow. The black gloves were coming off, slowly and deliberately.

 “Well.” The deep, hair-raising voice continued. He wasn't hiding any more. “This is unfortunate.”

Rooted to the spot like a deer in headlights, I simply stared at him. I really wanted to look away because his voice alone was making me sick, but I couldn't make my head turn. It was like my brain was afraid to let my eyes go anywhere else—afraid he would catch me if I even blinked.

He stuffed the gloves in his coat pocket and zipped it up: the only sound in the quiet, still night. My heart wasn't roaring in my ears like it used to when I was afraid. This was a new level of fear. Every sense was focused on Ben and trying to calculate what he would do next.

 “I don't want to kill you, Reybee,” he said. He walked down one step. “I don't even want to hurt you. But if you run away from me now, I will catch you, and I will do both of those things.” Another stair. “And you know that I _will_ catch you.”

 _Liar_. I could turn and run into the woods and he'd never catch me. He'd already lost me in the woods once before and…

Ben was at the bottom of the stairs, standing on the same earth I was on. He paused when I took a teetering step back. The life had come back into my body. It knew I needed to get the hell away from here. It knew it was life or death.

He smiled poisonously. “Reybee. Don't do something you'll regret.”

I swallowed hard. Tremors wracked me and sweat beaded on my forehead. I felt a little dizzy but I didn't know if it was from stress or something else.

 “You...” I stopped when he took another step forward. “You… You're a _monster_.”

The fear was quickly being replaced with fiery hatred and rage. I balled my hands into fists and quite suddenly was more concerned with punching Ben until he died rather than running away. Would I be arrested if I killed him, or would it be considered self defense?

 “Tell me more,” he said. “Surely you have more things to say to me, my Reybee."

I remembered my childhood—Ben always hanging around with my parents, sometimes picking me up from school or dropping me off. He'd laugh and drink beers with my dad and… and he was always quiet when mom was around.

A cool breeze stirred the sweat layering my skin and drew up goosebumps. A sickening feeling washed over me as I stared at the tall black-haired man standing a few feet away from me. His brown eyes were penetrating even in the darkness, and they had a familiar look in them.

 “Why did you take me?” I demanded. Tears welled up in my eyes.

Ben was casually walking towards me. He didn't seem concerned. His hands were in his pockets and his expression was calm and indifferent. He smiled a little at my words but didn't respond.

The space between us was closing—I knew I needed to run in the other direction and never stop running but I needed to know why. I needed to know a lot of things, but first I needed to know why the creature sauntering towards me had decided to ruin my life forever. I had a small inkling as to why and the thought of it was making me nauseous.

When he didn't reply for a few more moments, I furiously stomped my foot.

 “TELL ME!” I screamed. “Tell me why you did this to me! Tell me!” Tears flowed down my face and blurred my vision. “Tell me, you son of a bitch!”

Ben continued to ignore me as the sobs overtook me and I was reduced to a sniveling mess. I hurriedly wiped my eyes and nose, trying to control myself; trying not to let him strike when I wasn't paying attention. I was cold and sick and miserable.

And he stopped only a handful of feet away from me. His smile widened.

 “You look just like your mother when you're upset.”

I staggered back like I'd been burned, mind reeling from the implications of his words. Ben wanted my _mother_. Of course. But when he realized he would never have my mother, whether that was when I was a little girl or older, he made other plans.

He kept smiling as he took a switchblade out of his inner coat pocket and the knife clicked open. “Stay right there.”

I should’ve learned long ago not to listen to his poison words. I took a few more steps back, thoughts swimming with fear and confusion, before I twisted on my heel and bolted for the woods.

Ben was hot on my heels; obviously he had a good reason he didn’t want me to escape. It was dark and almost impossible to see where I was going but I would not endure a repeat of my initial capture. I flew over downed branches and across sticks and twigs, recalling my intense fear when I escaped the compound with the other girls. I would not become a victim again.

Underbrush crackled behind me as Ben began to catch up. He was right—I wouldn’t be able to outrun him, but I maybe be able to outsmart him. Climbing a tree was a good bet, since he couldn’t drag me to the ground without some real effort, but I would be stuck there until someone found me. Dad could be anywhere and he wouldn’t knew where to look. Ben would stick around until I was exhausted from hunger and dehydration.

The sick feeling turning my legs to lead wasn’t just fear. I’d felt “fear” before. It was the skip of your heart when a bee buzzed near your head; it was standing on a dock staring down into a deep, dark lake. Fear was a fleeting reaction. The immense dread I felt was something far worse, and unlike fear, it didn’t work to keep me alive. It wasn’t preservation instinct. It was abject terror. It was my deepest self in turmoil, too frightened to keep trying to escape.

My shirt was suddenly pulled taut against my skin and I screamed as Ben hurled me to the ground. Newts scattered in every direction as I struggled to right myself, scrambling wildly in the leaves, until a foot in the small of my back shoved me back into the dirt. It was cold and smelled like the musty prison he had trapped me in. Frantic, I kept screaming and clawing at nothing.

Fingers rooted into my hair and Ben yanked back hard, snapping my neck back until it crackled under the strain. His foot stayed firmly on my spine, effectively cutting off my shrieking. I reached for his hand to free myself as I choked for air. _Someone please help me!_

 “Reybee,” Ben groaned, “I don’t want to do _this_ , Reybee!”

Saliva gathered in the back of my throat and gurgled over my lips as I continued fighting to breathe. I imagined I looked like a fish out of water—and maybe I was. Maybe I wasn’t supposed to be alive.

He released me abruptly and I collapsed back into the leaves. My stomach churned, full of bile and fear, and I leaned over on my side to vomit. Ben’s shoes staggered back a few inches and he groaned to himself again like he was in pain. The woods were quiet.

 “You’re MAKING ME DO THIS!” he screamed.

Panting, I turned my head slightly to watch him as he turned in circles, running his long fingers through his black hair. His eyes were red and puffy and tears ran down his anguished face. I spit out some of the vomit stuck in my mouth and struggled to my feet.

 “I’m not making you do ANYTHING!” I snarled. My voice was rough and my throat burned like hell. I stumbled a little but managed to stand my ground.

 “Just do as I say,” Ben begged. The knife was still tight in his grasp. “Please do what I say.”

It was dangerous to push him when he was clearly so unhinged, but I knew what was waiting for me if he brought me back to the house. He’d kill me. He wasn’t going to keep me as a pet anymore.

But as I watched Kylo falling apart before me, human and frail and deranged, I realized that I wasn’t afraid to face death anymore. The monster from my nightmares was unmasked and he wasn’t the bogeyman I had imagined. But he still wore a mask: he hid behind his soft smile and gentle words that were laced with poison. And I realized that I would never be able to peel off everyone’s mask, and that I would always live in fear of what was hidden underneath every single person’s good intentions.

Ben and I stared at one another, maybe reaching similar epiphanies, but neither of us moved. He had taken a lot of things from me. I thought that stealing my implicit faith and trust in other people was perhaps the worst.

But neither of us moved.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT
> 
> this is not a satisfying reylo ending......... when it ends  
> i apologize  
> but it is satisfying otherwise
> 
> ALSO SOMEONE MADE ME A COVER AND I'M DYING I DIE FOR FANART I LOVE IT <3333333

The monster was the first one to move.

Ben wiped the back of his forearm across his sweaty head and brushed his black hair aside. He risked looking away from me, laughing under his breath with his fingers tight around the switchblade. It was too dark to see him very well but I could tell that he was trembling.

 “What do you think your mother would say—“

 “Shut up!” I snapped, angrily stepping towards him. “Don’t talk about my mother!”

His laughter came back at a higher volume and he shook his head. “What do you know about Scarlett?”

 “Everything! She was my mother!”

An amused and irritated expression crossed over Ben’s face and he looked ready to say something horrible, but was interrupted.

 “Rey? Ben?”

All the fear in my heart melted away in that instant. I broke into a smile, something I didn’t realize I could still do. My father had come to save me.

There wasn’t a similar feeling from Ben. His haughty look disappeared in a satisfying way and he immediately hid the pocket knife. What would that do? Obviously I would tell my father everything and he wouldn’t let Ben get away. He couldn’t talk his way out of it.

Leaves crunched as my dad came closer before he appeared a few feet behind Ben in full uniform. I glanced at the gun on his hip and was pretty confident that I was finally safe and sound.

My father hesitated. It was a natural instinct due to being a police officer. His eyes moved between Ben and I as he assessed the situation, but his hand didn’t move towards the gun. He holstered the flashlight in his hand and stood up straighter.

 “What’s going on, Ben?” my father asked, turning his gaze on Kylo.

It was pretty obvious that an altercation had happened. Ben was disheveled and seemed nervous and my dad was picking up on it.

Ben smiled at him. “Rey was having a little episode and I was trying to retrieve her. But I guess she had Scarlett’s toughness—she won’t come back with me.”

Dad wasn’t really accomplished with mental gymnastics but I could see he wasn’t buying it. Idly, his fingers crept back towards his gun. He didn’t look away from Ben. I was afraid to say anything; what if I broke his concentration?

 “Really?” my father asked.

And even Ben couldn’t justify his words. It fell quiet in the woods, with only the crickets singing in the background. He and my father stared at one another without saying another thing, until even I was uncomfortable. Then, there was a soft click as my father removed his gun from the holster.

Slowly and calmly, dad raised the gun to point it at Ben, who was still as stone. My eyes widened in shock—was dad going to shoot Ben? He hadn’t even heard from me or figured out what was really happening. What if he got in trouble for killing him without a good cause? What would happen to me? Would another Kylo spring from the shadows?

Ben put his hands in the air and laughed. “Come on, Keith. This is ridiculous. Reybee is clearly having some problems and needs to come back home with me. She needs _help_ , and you can’t give it.”

That set my father off. His face hardened and he leveled his gun with his eye, now ready to shoot.

 “Scarlett gave Rey that nickname,” he said coldly. “Why are you using it?”

I wanted to scream “HE’S THE ONE!” but I held back. Me shouting it at him would be a distraction.

Kylo seemed to realize that he was trapped. He ran a hand through his hair, plastering it back against his head, and furiously glared at me. I wilted a little but was still confident having my father nearby with a gun. I didn’t need to run and hide.

 “Because she should have been MINE!” Ben snapped. “They both should have been _mine_ , but you’ve always been happy to ruin my fucking life, Keith.” His fingers clawed into his hair and he squeezed his eyes shut. “I should have married Scarlett; Rey should be my daughter...”

Now dad’s arms were shaking. But he wasn’t afraid—he looked ready to kill.

 “So it was you?” my father asked in a trembling voice. His eyes flickered to me, agonized and sad. “Did he do this to you, Rey?”

My bravery faded as I bore the full brunt of my dad’s shock and rage. I lowered my eyes to the ground and twiddled my thumbs behind my back.

Ben laughed like a true psychopath. “Yes, Keith, it was me. I did that to your precious daughter. I took her when you were busy patrolling Esperance and I _raped_ her over and over again until she learned to like it, and she learned to beg me—“

A shot rang out.

Kylo was still laughing like a madman with a bullet wound to his shoulder that was pouring blood over his arm. He clutched it and sneered at my father, who had tears streaming down his face. _Please be careful. Please don’t let him ruin you like he ruined me._

 “There’s nothing you can do about it!” Ben hissed. “You can shoot me until I’m full of holes but Reybee will still be all mine, and I’ll be with Scarlett sooner than you ever will!”

My voice broke free. “Dad, you have to ignore him! He’s doing it deliberately to get under your skin!”

But my father wasn’t listening to me. His lips were quivering as he tried to hold back tears—mom’s death was still so fresh to both of us. Watching him brought tears to my eyes as well. He was probably feeling the same pain I felt, and I knew how horrible it was. But nothing I was capable of could help him, just like he couldn’t help me when I escaped from Ben.

 “Scarlett was the love of my life,” dad managed, choking on sobs. The gun was really trembling now. “But Rey is the second love of my life, and I won’t let you hurt her again.”

Ben grinned, kneeling like he was about to be executed. “You can’t protect her from me.”

Another non-fatal shot rang out, this time burying in the monster’s leg. He fell to his side and laughed harder but didn’t react much to the pain. Dad stood with the shaking gun for another minute, staring at Ben with a vacant expression, before he suddenly dropped it to the ground. He advanced towards Kylo before I could warn him about the knife.

The bullets had incapacitated Ben for the most part but the immediately took out the pocket knife when my father got too close. Dad was on him in the blink of an eye and repeatedly punching him in the face. Blood sprayed across the ground; something cracked. Red torrents flowed into Ben’s black hair and framed his crazed brown eyes. I was rooted to the spot, terrified of the violence.

Despite all the agony he had to be in, Ben still managed to flick open the pocket knife. His eyes roamed to me and he grinned again.

 “DAD!” I screamed.

It was a silent assault. Ben was too weak to repeatedly stab my father and only managed to bury the knife near his stomach, but it was enough to make dad stop punching him. Dad rolled over on his back with the hilt of the knife protruding, face contorted in pain, face covered in sweat. I didn’t think of the gun—I ran over to my dad and collapsed next to him on my knees, hands shaking near the knife.

Dad shook his head and swallowed hard. “No, no; don’t touch it.” He paused to take a few deep, hard breaths. “The blood loss is gonna be worse if it’s taken out.”

 “I’m so sorry,” I whispered. “I’m so, so sorry.”

My father’s sad dark eyes looked into mine. “What do you have to apologize for? I’m sorry I didn’t manage to beat him to death.”

 “At least someone is going to die tonight.”

Dad and I looked up to see Ben standing a few feet away. He was lopsided, clutching his shoulder and trying not to put pressure on the bloody leg, but standing nonetheless. His nose was broken and his entire face was coated in a mixture of sweat and gore. The outside was beginning to match the monster inside.

 “You’re going to bleed to death!” I snapped.

 “Maybe. But if I do, I won’t be doing it alone.”

There was nothing I could do. Ben shot my father in the leg, just once, and limped towards us. Dad gritted his teeth and held back from howling in pain as I frantically tried to stem the bleeding with my bare hands. Blood flowed over my fingers like a river and pooled on the leaves.

 “Run, Rey,” dad managed, tears streaming down his face. “Please run.”

I couldn’t leave him. I draped myself over his chest and buried my face in his neck, refusing to abandon him in the middle of the woods. Ben grabbed my hair to drag me off him and I screamed and thrashed and clung to my dad’s vest. But my fingers came loose, as they always did, and Ben pistol-whipped me hard across the face. I fell into the dirt, dazed.

 “I’m not going to shoot you, Keith,” Ben said. “I’m going to let you bleed to death here, all alone, while I bring Reybee back to my house.” He crouched down next to my father’s head, somehow ignoring the grievous wounds he had. “And after I’m done fucking her, I’ll lock her in my basement and go back to Esperance to tell everyone how the monster who kidnapped Rey showed up at my house. He shot me, took Rey, and shot you when you tried to apprehend him.”

 “No one will believe you,” dad said in a hoarse voice.

Ben rose and laughed. “Of course they will. Didn’t you?”

Dad started shouting at Ben as he bent over to pick me up. He threw me over his shoulder like a fresh kill and ripped the knife out of my dad’s stomach. I stared blankly as we headed back towards Ben’s house, leaving my father struggling to move, all alone in the woods.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there are two glitches because my laptop sucks
> 
> this is the end... epilogue will come in several days

Memories trickled through my dazed mind as I hung limp and lifeless over Kylo’s shoulder. I closed my eyes when we moved into the thicker part of the forest and let them wash over me.

  _“Reybee… My sweet Reybee.”_

_I’d just come home from school. Dad left work early for some reason and he was sitting beside mom on the couch, dark eyes puffy and red. Afternoon sun slanted through the living room window and spilled across mom’s long brown hair—she looked like an angel._

_I dropped my backpack. “Mom? Dad?”_

_And she kept her teary green eyes on me when dad couldn’t bear to look anymore. He covered his face with both hands and leaned on my mother as she tried to stiffen her lower lip._

_“We have some news for you,” mom said, trying to smile. “Why don’t you sit down?”_

Ben staggered at that moment and almost fell over, jarring me from the memory. He had to stop and catch his breath. I could feel sweat spreading across his back.

_I’d always thought she would pull through. Brain cancer sounded bad, but my mom wouldn’t leave me so early in life. She went to her appointments, she knitted herself hats when her golden hair fell out in thick clumps, like an angel losing her halo. It was always positive at home._

_But it took her faster than the doctors ever imagined. One day she was baking cookies and playing video games with Rian and I, and the next she was a small gaunt husk in a big hospital bed._

We started moving again. The crickets and cicadas sang in the distance as Ben panted and limped to bring me back to hell. Tears swelled in my eyes as my memories continued.

_“I love you, Reybee.”_

_Rian had already said his goodbyes. He didn’t quite understand—he was too little—butI knew full well that my mother was soon to be a distant memory. I would never hug her after school again. I would never call her and cry when a boy hurt my feelings. My angel was being dragged back to heaven, no matter how badly she wanted to stay with us mere mortals._

_Mom had no tears left. Her eyes were red but she couldn’t cry. I sat beside her in a rickety chair and held her frail hand and wondered why my mother had been chosen to die._

_But I managed to smile as hot tears rolled down my cheeks. I could cry for both of us. “I wish you didn’t have to leave.”_

_“I know, baby.” Her misty green eyes roamed to the window and she smiled, faintly. “But God wanted to bring me home a little early. We’ll see each other again.”_

We were in the driveway. I saw my father’s patrol car parked near the end, and noticed two doors were wide open—the driver’s door, and a rear door. My eyes widened and Ben stopped. Two doors open meant two people had been in the car.

_There was a quiet knock on the door. Mom was too weak to call out, but I hesitated before letting the visitor come in. I didn’t want to give up my last brief moments with her. I didn’t want to share my mother with anyone else. She was my mother; my angel, even when she was bald and waifish._

_“C-come in,” I said, squeezing mom’s thin fingers. Her engagement ring bit into my skin._

_Ben peered around the edge of the door. He was hunched over with his hands in his pockets and his brown eyes were deeply sad. He’d been crying, too._

_“Hey, Scar,” he said. He didn’t even look at me._

_“Hey,” she whispered. “What took you so long?”_

Kylo was cursing under his breath as he investigated the car. When he turned I could see a green bag sitting in the backseat. My little brother had been with my father.

_Another chair was pulled up on the other side of my mother and Ben sat down. He took her hand without asking, clasping it between both hands, and kissed it. Mom smiled a little and he started crying. I played with her fingers, knowing I should give them privacy but unwilling to leave her side. What if she slipped away while I was in the hall?_

_“Reybee,” she rasped. “Would you mind giving Ben and I a few minutes? I promise you can come right back.”_

_My heart twisted painfully but I obliged. I stood from my seat, trembling like a leaf, and gently placed my mother’s hand back to her side. She was consoling Ben when I reached the door._

_“Shh,” she murmured. “I know. I know. It’s going to be okay, darling.”_

_I paused just outside to listen. The hallways were deserted and dad was grabbing food for us in the cafeteria. My fingers pressed to the wall._

 “Motherfucker,” Ben said. He was still having a hard time breathing. “Fine. No one will believe him, anyway.”

_“You can’t do this to me, Scarlett,” Ben sobbed._

_Mom sighed, exasperated. “Well, Bentopher, the brain tumor would like to disagree.” Her bed creaked a little. “Keith and the kids have to find a way to live without me. So do you.”_

_“I can’t. I can’t. I love you.”_

_The room fell silent. I strained to hear, wondering if I was missing something. But mom hadn’t said a word. I couldn’t see her but I could imagine the expression on her face._

_“You have to let go.” Her voice was sterner than I’d heard in months. “It will eat you alive.”_

Boots stomped up the stairs with some difficulty. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to blink the rest of the tears away. There was nothing else to reflect on. I’d come back in the room after dad brought dinner and mom died with both of us beside her. It was enough. I didn’t need to hurt anymore.

The front door slowly swung open and Ben stepped inside with me still slack over his shoulder. He shuffled forward and kicked the door shut then twisted the lock. His breaths were really ragged and I wondered if he was about to pass out. Dad had really beaten the shit out of him.

 “We’re home,” Ben said.

I was too tired and defeated to fight back but I could feel him trembling more and more with each step. He stopped a few feet away from the basement stairs, taking haggard, shallows breaths, and his wounds finally seemed to catch up with him. One knee buckled and I nearly fell off his shoulder as he fell hard and fast to the floor.

Ben caught himself with a free hand and groaned in pain. This time I slid off his back and rolled quietly onto my side, eyes wide and staring at the front door. There was a trail of blood leading to where we were on the floor in the dark living room. All was still.

Slowly, I turned my head to look back at the monster falling apart beside me. Blood was streaked through his black hair and drooling off his face in long, gooey lines. Each time it fell there was a soft splattering noise that seemed to reverberate through the house. His arms shook. Sweat mingled with the blood.

The monster was falling to pieces. He had no white mask to hide behind; no black gloves to obscure his hands. He was a weak human just like everyone else.

I smiled, cracking the dried tears on my cheeks. “You’re going to bleed to death.”

Ben glared at me with his badly beaten face and even his glacial eyes were losing their edge. He reached for the wall to pull himself up and cringed when his knee bent. His leg gave out again and he fell on the floor like a ragdoll, moaning under his breath.

But I was still in one piece. After all I had suffered from him, I was unbowed, unbent, and unbroken. The joy gurgled up from the pit of my stomach and I was giggling at Ben before I knew it.

 “I’m gonna kill you,” he snarled.

The small private giggles soon grew louder and I rolled on my side to hug myself as I laughed and laughed and laughed. Happy tears sprang in the corners of my eyes and I had a hard time getting a grip on myself. He was going to bleed to death. Slow and painful. Exactly what he deserved.

There was some movement behind me, and I turned back to see Ben had managed to sit up. He weakly dragged a linen from a side table and tore it in half to stem the bleeding in one leg. His skin was deathly pale and his lips were turning white. He’d lost too much blood to be a danger to me anymore, but I knew he wouldn’t give up that easily.

 “The rest of the cops will be here soon,” he said in Kylo voice. He was trying to gain control by using deep tones but his voice wavered. He stared at me as he wrapped his other leg. “And they’re going to believe me.”

The smile faded from my face. “No, they won’t

Ben laughed this time, wiping the blood from his face. His nose looked a bit crooked and he had a black eye. All his pearly white teeth glinted like daggers through the dark.

 “You’re clinically insane. And since your father is probably a bloodless corpse...” He paused, furrowing his brow and pursing his lips like he was thinking hard. “You’re going to need a caretaker throughout your treatment. And… it just so happens that I am your psychiatrist.”

My heart pattered a little faster and I sat up, too. Holy shit. _Dad._

Body language gave me away. I looked toward the door, no longer scared and helpless, ready to tear the entire forest apart until I found dad. He had to be alive. It had only been a little while. I couldn’t lose him, too.

Kylo lunged forward like a snake when I tried to stand. Long fingers locked around my ankle and I lost my balance. I tumbled to the floor again and screamed and thrashed as he tried to drag me toward himself. The shadows and the blood and the pale skin and the haunting brown eyes made him look like a demon.

 “Get away from me!” I shrieked. I lashed out with my other foot and kicked him hard in the side of the head, but he was a creature possessed.

Metal glinted in the dim moonlight and I felt sharp, searing pain in my outer thigh. My screams turned shrill as Ben ripped the knife out and stabbed me again in the front of my thigh. It was fight or flight and I wasn’t able to flee—but fighting wasn’t helping.

Terrified that he would stab me in the chest next, I clawed at the floor and managed to turn over on my stomach. He panted and used his weight to crush me and I kept screaming like I never had before. My thoughts raced back to when he would chain me to the bed and rape me but his attack felt more personal than ever before. I could barely breathe.

The knife bit into my throat and I instinctively stopped moving. Ben was fully on top of me and I couldn’t push him off. My eyes were wide and wild looking for a way to escape.

His chin was on my shoulder; mouth near my ear. He was breathing hard. “You’re mine, you little bitch.” Fingers tugged my pants down a few inches. “I’ll make sure it’s the last thing you think of before you go see my Scarlett.”

  _“You have to let go. It will eat you alive.”_

My blood boiled so furiously that I was surprised it didn’t burn Ben. The pain from him stabbing me was immense ut the rage I felt was even stronger. I wasn’t going to let him torture me or my mother’s memory anymore. I wasn’t some pawn in his demented game.

 “My mother never loved you,” I hissed. “She only let you hang around because she felt bad for you.”

The knife pressed closer but it was shaking up and down. He was either angry and seriously distraught. “Shut your fucking mouth!”

Lights passed through the windows. A car?

I grabbed the knife with both hands before Ben could react. The blade was small but it chewed through my skin as I squeezed it and struggled to push it away from my throat. He tried to resist but seemed to be weakened from the blood loss.

 “She saw right through you,” I snapped through gritted teeth. “She knew you were a lunatic but she was too kind to let you fall through the cracks. Scarlett Kenobi never loved you and she never will, no matter how many girls you tortured and murdered to satisfy your sick obsession.”

The door was kicked down before either of us heard a sound and flashlights quickly illuminated us. I didn’t have to do much else—a group of people dragged Ben off me and people were kneeling on the floor beside me. I’d torn the knife from the grip as he was yanked away and had to rip it out of my right palm with a free hand. It clattered to the ground and I trembled as gentle hands touched me.

A blanket swept over my shoulders, covering my whole body. I kept my bloody palms open and stared at the deep gashes until another person hurriedly began binding them in gauze. So many people. Was I… Was I being saved?

 “It’s going to be ok, Rey,” said the woman wrapping my hands. I couldn’t help but notice that she was brown-haired and had dark eyes. They met mine, and she smiled. “We have your father at the hospital—he should be fine. Rian is there with him. We’ll explain everything once we have you on your way there, too.”

Ben was screaming in the background, having lost all semblance of sanity, and three people forced him to the ground. The blood seeped through my gauze but I knew I would be okay. For the first time since mom died, I knew everything was going to be okay.


	25. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for something wicked wheee

 “What do you think of this dress, mommy?”

The sweet curious voice of my daughter, Scarlett, brought me back to reality. I would blank out sometimes—stuck in the wheel of painful memories, occasionally with no escape. It took me a moment to remember myself and my four-year-old child. Scarlett Howe. I was Rey Howe.

I beamed down at her and the green dress she had found. “How beautiful! What do you think, daddy?”

Adam already had a gentle hand on the small of my back. He was keenly attuned to my episodes and he would always be standing there to support me. His brown eyes lit up when Scarlett twirled around with her dress. She was my mother’s spitting image—green eyes and blonde hair, like a little angel.

Scarlett was our only child; a precocious four-year-old. I loved her more than I thought was possible, but it had been difficult for me when she was an infant. Back then I was constantly paranoid about letting even my father babysit her. Now I had almost achieved some semblance of normalcy.

 “I think we should buy ten!” Adam exclaimed, making Scarlett squeal with delight.

Somehow Adam and I both had the day off, so we went out for a trip to the local mall. We had lunch in the food court and I was wandering around a kid’s clothing store with them while I waited to head back.

 “Rian called earlier,” Adam said as we followed behind Scarlett. “He wanted to know when you’ll be able to visit him out at school.”

 “He just wants to show off,” I muttered.

 “Hey, Ivy League is a big deal.”

Dad, Rian, and me moved to New York, where I was still working on finishing law school in Albany and Rian was working on finishing his journalism degree at Cornell out in Ithaca. Dad wanted a change of pace and was much happier being a State Trooper. Rian was a goof and loved college. He met some girl at Cornell—Leah—and constantly talked about her and her friend, Hannah, who was apparently a bit of a snob.

Adam worked at the local hospital as a pediatrician. He was sweet and somehow stuck around even when I was acting like a total lunatic. In fact, he first met me when I was admitted to that same hospital after having another screaming episode and ate alone in the hospital cafeteria after discharge. That had been two years after my escape from Kylo, not long after I turned twenty. I’d been drifting around, not doing much.

But Adam sat with me for some reason and told me he loved my ‘Southern drawl.’ He was an intern back then, a couple years older than I was, and we dated for three years before he proposed. We got married, had Scarlett, and now I was twenty-seven and almost done with law school. It was the logical path for me. I’d make sure beasts like Ben Reinhart got what they deserved.

 “Mommy?”

I blinked and smiled down at Scarlett. She beamed and slipped her fingers in mine and Adam took her other hand so we could swing her between us while we walked. He had the bag with her dress slung over his arm. She had him wrapped around her finger. Like, knotted around her finger.

Scarlett skittered into the Build-A-Bear store and I waved and sat outside on the bench. I closed my eyes, breathing in deep, and exhaled. Adam was the best thing to ever happen to me. When we found out I was pregnant with Scarlett he didn’t hesitate to tell me we didn’t have to keep her. He knew about my hang-ups with my body. Sometimes my ribs still hurt when I breathed from the thrashing Ben gave me.

Our honeymoon would’ve been awkward if Adam wasn’t… Adam. Sex was obviously extremely difficult and I had muttered about waiting until we were married, which didn’t bother him. We did other things, slowly, and I started crying when he got on top of me in bed. It still confused the hell out of me—why he liked me, why he stuck around someone who was so fucked-up and weird—but he laid beside me and waited until I was ready. I always had to be on top.

 “Usually it’s the father waiting outside the store.”

I opened my eyes and found a man with black hair sitting beside me. He was attractive; model-level attractive, with sharp features and hazy blue eyes scanning the store full of maddened kids. He glanced at me and smiled.

 “Oh, yeah.” I shrugged. “My husband likes doing these things with our daughter.”

 “Ah. Mine is inside with her mother as well.” He pointed to a little girl with black hair like Scarlett’s, who was picking out a stuffed animal next to a very pregnant brown-haired woman. “Maeva and my wife, Natalie. What’s your name?”

Good, he wasn’t hitting on me. I smiled and shook his hand.

 “I’m Rey Ken—uh, Howe. That’s my daughter—” I pointed to Scarlett, bouncing next to her father “—and my husband, Adam Howe. And what’s your name?”

 “Pierre Holt. So nice to meet you, Rey. What a beautiful name.”

His voice was interesting. He had a French accent, which I wouldn’t have expected anywhere outside of the city. I shrugged and laughed and tried to act normal. His stare was unsettling, but he seemed nice and Adam wasn’t too far off. Pierre cocked his head and studied me, still smiling.

 “Name my mom picked,” I said. “I’m from the South.”

Pierre nodded. “I see. I knew your accent sounded familiar… Louisiana?”

 “Oh, wow. Yeah. Are you from there?” Then I laughed awkwardly. “Probably not, since you have a French accent.”

 “I grew up in Alabama so I’m quite good at detecting Southern accents. My mother was from France.”

That was pretty cool. We chatted for a while about how ass-backwards the South was and he told me he had another baby who was at home with the babysitter. I found him strangely easy to talk to. I’d been suspicious and paranoid ever since my imprisonment, but Pierre had an odd aura about him.

Adam and Scarlett came out of the store with a stuffed rabbit dressed in a pink tutu. Pierre’s wife came out a few moments later with Maeva, who had a frog clutched in her arms. Her bright blue eyes shifted nervously to Scarlett, and my daughter excitedly showed off her rabbit. Natalie touched the back of her daughter’s head and smiled tightly when Pierre slipped an arm around her waist.

 “Nice to meet you, Rey,” Natalie said, shaking my hand.

 “You too!”

We all parted ways. I threaded Adam’s fingers through mine and leaned my head on his shoulder while we watched Scarlett bouncing around ahead of us.

I went down a long hallway to the bathroom and Scarlett insisted on coming with me. She held my hand and hummed to herself and beamed when I smiled down at her. She was such a good kid. She’d been an easy, happy baby, too, which I assumed she got from her father. My dad was crazy about her, too—he’d bring her fishing all the time and she loved getting covered in dirt.

Along the way we passed an emergency exit and it abruptly flung open.

My heart leapt in my throat as Scarlett was dragged outside and I instinctively followed, reaching for her. Our attacker threw her into a car and she started screaming and reaching for me while he tightened his grip on my upper arm and sank a needle into my skin. My eyes widened in terror and I looked up to see the man from earlier staring down at me, smiling.

 “Two for the price of one,” Pierre cooed. “Lovely. I’m sure Viktor will be happy.”

All the self-defense I learned went out the window when I was staring at my daughter shrieking for help. My heart raced and my palms got sweaty and all I could think of was the night I was dragged out of my house. I sagged as Pierre pushed me into the car and handcuffed my hands behind my back.

Scarlett sobbed hysterically and tried to hug me as I quickly began passing out. I panted and watched Pierre get in the driver’s seat and touch Natalie’s leg while she stared out the window. Maeva was sitting beside Scarlett and awkwardly tried patting her back, murmuring and wringing her hands. It all happened so fast. Who were these people? Did they know Ben?

Pierre’s blue eyes met mine in the rearview and he smiled again. “Off we go then, Rey. Take a rest. It’s a long drive.”

I tried to curl closer to Scarlett while she cried and resisted the medication, but it took me over and the last thing I heard was my daughter begging for help.


End file.
